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We are separating, i am getting the help i need from various places (he dont know this of course) he at first would say lets see how things go and wont tell people we are separating, he is due a lump sum of money and i know he thinks he wont get it if i speak of his controlling and abuse over us, had the threats of him saying he will says things about me if i speak up, he says your mental health is bad, and that im suicidal etc.. ( which it isnt ) he now says he has not loved me in ages as he knows i am not backing down so think he is trying the push me away ill come running back thing! .
He is being so overly nice right now, (still can get bad mood) instead of coming home and going straight on the pc he is spending time with the kids (dont know how long this will last) he has said he will get a dog when he gets his own place to our dd, something my dd really wants but i wont have a pet while still with him as he beats them up ,(so she says i want to live with daddy, i feel he is messing with all the grown up kids minds too) he is being so nice i dont like it, i sense he is up to something and trying everything he can to not separate, he is carrying on as if nothing has changed, getting me shopping, giving me money, seems to be calling me love and darling more, i cant wait until we are moved i just feel he is not letting me go, im not giving up i have gone back too many times, this is final now, im being backed and people are listening to me , i feel like crying as he messes with my head but trying to stay strong, its hard but im not giving up,i am looking forward to the future, i am financially going to be worse off but so much happier and free to live how i choose
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Hi Bluebird28,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand. Trust your instincts about his change in behaviour, it is to try and stop you from leaving, it’s part of the control. Abusers will do whatever they think will work to stop a woman leaving. I’m really glad that you’ve already got support in place.
If you need any guidance on using the forum you can find this in the Forum Guidelines and FAQs. If they don’t answer your question then please feel free to message me.
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.
Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Forum Moderator -
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Yes maybe he suspects something and is starting the sucking you back process. Be prepared for it and try and make sure you have everything sorted out before you leave to protect yourself, financially and emotionally. Prepare the ground if you can, by trying to think of any ways he can hurt you or get to you and prepare in advance. The dog thing is awful, but maybe a way around it would be to find someone with a dog in your local area that your dd can walk and spend time with. You don’t need to own a dog to have a loving friendship with one and many working people would be really grateful to have someone to walk their dog and spend time with it. You could put an advert in local shops or Facebook local group.
Good luck .
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