Hi I’m new to this an don’t understand

[The friend]

Hi- I have recently been made aware that I am being emotionaly abused, I have been married a long time an an have children, I left my husband a few months ago but he was sleeping rough so I said he could stay in the house an I would leave as the children were worried about him, but now I want my home back an the deal was after Xmas he goes an I come back but am worried about his reaction when he dose have to go and how am going to get him out when the time comes.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there and welcome be to the forum, an absolute lifeline in this quagmire of uncertainty.
I’m older too with grown up children. You were very decent to him, noone wants to’ be responsible’ fir someone sleeping rough. But in all honesty HE brought this on himself.
If you contact the helpline or your local wa they can give you advice through everything you need to know. He may have been emotionally blackmailing you into letting him stay saying he’d be homeless. You are going to get stronger, I promise. Some days it’ll be really hard, others not so bad. Keep posting, we’re here for you anytime.

IWMB 💕💕

[Lisa]

Hi The Friend,

Thank you for posting and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot already, it’s positive that you took the huge step of leaving your abusive husband. With regards to returning to your home, you are right to be cautious about how he will react. I suggest getting as much information about your rights as possible. It depends on your living situation, whether you rent or own, and who’s names are on the tenancy/mortgage. So really you need some housing and legal advice specific to your situation. I suggest the following organisations for this;

Shelter; housing experts, who you can call on 0808 800 4444, or use their online chat service.

The Rights of Women; who have a lot of information on their website, including a guide called ‘Marriage: your rights to your home’.

You can contact your local domestic abuse service, and ask if they can recommend any solicitors who are experienced in domestic abuse; often they run free drop in legal clinics.

You may need to find out if you can get an occupation order that states he has to leave the home. To find out about this you can call DV Assist on 0800 195 8699

Keep posting, I hope you find the forum helpful.

Lisa

[The friend]

Hi, an update well tonight( last night) he went out an i watched the kids when he came back he was drunk( started asking me if I have seen counselling yet I said no it’s a waiting list we will talk about this tomorrow as u have been drinking an am leaving now he flew off on one an started screaming in my face an said know one as hurt him this much an he’s going to make my life hell all the kids were screaming his got right in my face so told him if he don’t go I will call the police he said well u don’t have a leg to stand on as I don’t leave here I told him I do an I was just letting him stay till he found somewhere so he kicked off a bit more an said I have no idea how all this works and stuff like that he also said he is taking the kids an picking them up from school so am not sending them now, really don’t know what to do I was so scared of him

[The friend]

I am with wa an have been for a few weeks now

[Iwantmeback]

Hi the friend, glad to see you back on here. It’s so much worse when they’ve a drink in them. No restraint at all. Are you okay. Your poor kids. He has no idea how all this works my love not you.it’s him who hasn’t a leg to stand on. With WA and us on here we will show you and protect you. He’s scared of losing his power over you. Can you call the police or if not now tomorrow. Put in a complaint now so it’s logged and you have a crime report number. Write down everything that happened while its fresh in your mind, can any of the kids do the same. Contact WA as soon as you can tomorrow arrange to see one of their solicitors, s..t just got real now. You don’t deserve to feel scared of him. This is him being abusive abd will try and say it was because he was drunk. That’s an excuse they use to justify their behaviour. Let us know your oksy later on. Will say a prayer for you before I go to sleep.
Goodnight love, be safe. Keep the kids off and let the police know why, WA can advise you on the school

IWMB 💕💕

[The friend]

Hi I want me back, I have been to wa today an I did keep the kids off, your so right he did blame the drink he even called my sister an said it was all my fault an I am crazy, had his mum on the phone all day saying he’s going to kill him self an he’s really low( excuse me he’s low what about me an my kids how the hell do u think we feel,😡😡😡 makes me so angry

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, that’s him ramping up the abuse he’s getting your family on his side, running to his mummy at his age😂😂. He’s a total manipulator, he’s trying to get them to believe his behaviour not yours, he’s gaslighting them as much as you. You need to open up to them, start being truthful with them hold nothing back, if they choose to believe him and not you you know where you stand. Can you rely on your sister. He’s making you out to be crazy but you are in no way crazy. His behaviour is crazy making and as such is grounds fir divorce, it can also come with a custodial sentence. Did you write down everything, call the police? It’s easy for us to advise, very difficult to act on it, isn’t it. If you can get him put and change the locks, you can get your home back. You did deserve to be happy, you do what’s right fir you mo charaid (my friend)
Much love, you’ll be in my prayers tonight again💛
IWMB 💕💕

[diymum@1]

My ex played on the suicidal card for years, his mum and I felt so sorry for him. I was really only with him out of pity in the end. He used depression to his gain so that we would let him away with his bad behaviour. One night he left in the middle of the night,sent me pictures of bottles of tablets and a bottle of water. He came back in the morning and everyone had been up all night worried sick. I went out and bought a book to read together about bipolar we all rallied round.I later found out what he was actually doing was meeting up with a woman he was having an affair with!What a fool I felt. Then when we went to court for custody of my youngest, I requested his GP records,as I was worried about his mental state, the notes said he had low mood at times, there was nothing b****y wrong with him! These men will scam who ever will fall for their manipulation. Don’t be duped as the old I’m suicidal card is a very common tactic x*x

[The friend]

Thanks lady’s means a lot knowing I can say how I feel on here an someone actually listening to me, no not been to the police yet as am worried about the kids reaction with me.

[diymum@1]

Any time weve been there, and its pretty s****y. Take one step at a time and talk to WA they’ll help to guide and support you too xx and us lot 🙂 xx DIY

[Iwantmeback]

You can’t let the children decide how and what you do in this. They aren’t adult enough to know the consequences. They work things out through feelings, how they feel, we as we get older, work through things because we’ve lived we have life experience. Once we see past how this relationship is affecting us emotionally, then we can get out of it. I dont want to come across too harsh, but you’re the parent, you’re their role model, don’t let them blackmail you emotionally too. He does enough of that.One step at a time my friend. Love and light
IWMB 💕💕

[Author]

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