Hi – New here

[coffeepotion]

Hey, I’m new here and really struggling to get my head around the fact I am in an emotionally abusive relationship.

It feels sometimes like if he done something physically it would make it easier to make the move to leave.

we’ve been together (detail removed by moderator) and I have definitely learnt to be subservient to keep the peace but I’m at my wits end

 

[Eggshells]

Hi Coffeepotion, I replied to your other thread before I saw this one. Welcome to the forum.

You’d be amazed at how many people feel that it would be easier to leave if he was physically abusive. I think that is because of the societal understanding of Domestic Abuse. Domestic Abuse of all kinds is often referred to as Domestic Violence and I think that this can muddy the waters further.

Physical abuse is obvious to all and frowned on in our society. Physical abuse is a double whammy, it hits your mind and body all at once. Psychological abuse is so often under the radar. Nobody else sees it and they don’t see the harm it does. Therefore, it is not frowned on in the same way – out of sight, out of mind. Don’t be fooled by this societal misconception. Psychological abuse is insidious and very, very damaging to all who are subjected to it. It is simply invisible violence against your mind.

I’m not sure that one type of abuse is worse than another. No abuse is ok to any degree. xx

[Beautifulday]

Hi Coffeepotion
And welcome to the forum!

There are lots of us here stuck in abusive relationships, i say stuck because that’s how they’ve made us feel! Like there is no light at the end of the tunnel BUT we will get out! I made my first post on here around 2 months ago now and felt stupid as hes not physical but I have learned thar emotional can be just as if not worse in the long term as its a drip drip effect, it gets into your mind, makes you think different behave differently, im a shell of the person I used to be and feel sad and ashamed admitting that but ive made tge first step and so have you lovely, I also called wa and they were so supportive and helpful as well as the lovely ladies here. Do you want to talk about the relationship? We are not here to judge and everyone will listen 🙂 x*x

[Lottieblue]

Hello Coffeepotion,
There are a couple of threads on here – This is My Abuser, parts I and II – which I think you may find useful. Part I became so long that it was difficult to manage… and that in itself is rather telling. It’s lots of women describing the abuse from their partners, and SO many of them don’t involve physical violence. Have a read through. You will see a pattern. And you will also be appalled by some of the treatment that these women (including me!) have to put up with. Then you will realise that the treatment that you think is appalling is the same treatment that happens to you…

When you have had a look through Part I (which is just called This is My Abuser), seek out Part II, and if you are ready to, add your own story.

Also, there’s a book called Why Does He Do That? (Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men) by Lundy Bancroft. I can’t recommend it highly enough. It can definitely provide clarity.

Most of all, keep coming back. Read, post, whatever feels right to you. There are some really wonderful people on here with a lot of really helpful and heartfelt things to say.
X

[coffeepotion]

Thanks to everyone who replied, I’ve not used the site very often but I appreciate your comments. I’m trying to muster the energy needed to chuck my partner out and move on with life but oh boy is it difficult x

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