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    • #39074
      PainBroken
      Participant

      Hi, i don’t really know where to start or how to say it, I’m just so nervous, scared, ashamed and guilty, I have been se*ually abused (still going on) by a very close family member, I tell him NO but he doesn’t listen to me, he thinks it’s funny, he laughs in my face, he tells me that I’m nothing and that I’m a waste of space, which it’s something I’ve lways believed and alsways will,

      I phoned woman’s aid a few days ago, I got an appointment with them next week, I’ve tried counselling on many times, but I’m scared to talk about it. Anyway that’s it for now, I hope have come to the right place 😢😢

    • #39081
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey there and welcome. My abuser used to hurt me then try and laugh it off or say it was a joke. It’s how they try to justify their behaviour. It’s wrong. I’m so glad you have found the strength to speak out. Abusers thrive on our silence. If you’re worried about not being able to talk then write it down in a letter form then let her read it. You don’t have to talk if you’re not ready. Perhaps as you get to know her, you will find it easier. You are not nothing and your are not a waste of space. Abusers try to destroy our self confidence and it makes us easier to control and manipulate. You have the right to be safe and happy and free from abuse.

    • #39089
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi PainBroken,

      Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting. It must have taken a lot of courage to reach out for support so well done for taking the first step. I hope you find the support you are looking for here.

      Well done for contacting Women’s Aid to make an appointment. As KIP has said you don’t have to talk if you don’t feel ready. Take it at your pace- writing it down is a good idea.

      Keep posting to us when you can, it can really help to offload to other Survivors on here. You are doing brilliantly, and you really are not a waste of space. I am pleased you found us.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #39095
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      Hi Painbroken, I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I was also sexually abused within my family as a child so I understand how terrifying it is to tell anyone about it. In fact I only have managed it in the last couple of years, decades later. I carried that shame and self-hatred for many years but I have now had some excellent counselling from women’s aid and my local sexual abuse service and I no longer feel that way. You have been so brave to reach out for help and you have absolutely done the right thing. I really hope you get support to get away from this abusive family member so you can heal. None of this is your fault, the guilt and shame are entirely his. Take care x

    • #39179
      older lady
      Participant

      Hello. I read your post the other day and it made me really sad. I wrote you a reply about my own experience but deleted it because I didnt think you needed to read that. The ladies above have given you good replies and I hope you will stay in contact with the forum, if you find it helpful. I understand you are feeling a waste of space. You probably don’t think you deserve anything good to happen to you. But, BUT, if you get good support you can see that belief belongs to your abuser and not you. It isn’t you, it’s what’s been put inside your head by someone unworthy to even know you. I am so concerned that you are still vulnerable to sexual abuse. I hope you get to your appointment, and that something can be done. There is a world out there for you, that is just as much yours as anyone else’s.

    • #39203
      PainBroken
      Participant

      Thank you everyone for all your replies and support it means alot knowing there is people in the same boat as me and understand what I’m going through, I’m sorry I didn’t reply any sooner, its difficult to get online, i am scared of reporting it to the police as i have had bad experiences with them in the past, and don’t feel strong enough to do it, but I know deep down that if I don’t do something about it, it will always continue, I feel so withdrawn from everyone around me, I feel as if I’m hurting my friends with the way I am with them, I suffer with depression, anxiety, PTSD and BPS (Bordrline personality disorder) I feel as if my life is not worth living, but I won’t let him win, then that way I am taking the easy way out, I hope woman’s aid can help me in some way. 😢😢😢😢😢

    • #39205
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      My local SA service also assigned me an ISVA (an independent sexual violence advocate). They can talk you through your options and can go with you and support you through the process of reporting and court, but they won’t put pressure on you to do this. It is entirely your choice, though you may need to consider if anyone else may be at risk. I didn’t want you to feel put off from seeking help due to worry about reporting. Your first priority is to safely get away from the abuser and get emotional support from specialists who will understand how traumatised you feel. Those diagnoses you list are symptoms of the abuse you are suffering, but they are not who you are. You say you don’t feel strong but you sound like you are xx

    • #39215
      White Rose
      Participant

      Hi there. Well done for asking for help you’ll be supported and given advice.
      You obviously can’t say on here whether this person is in your household but if they are can you leave? If they’re not can you avoid them?
      Write it all down so when you talk to WA you’ll have it all there. And don’t keep things back because you’re embarrassed.
      You’ve taken the first step towards stopping this – just keep moving forward one baby step at a time xx

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