Hi new here we’re in a refuge and struggling mentally

[Dolphintale]

Hi all finally figured out how to post a topic instead of just replying to one. I live in a refuge with my two children. Been doing counselling but it makes me feel more vulnerable and spikes my anxiety further.

Finally got my oldest to stop speaking to me the way she’s witnessed others doing in the past.

How do you deal with the feeling that I’m always looking over my shoulder

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel… Dolphintale,
I am sorry to hear you are struggling mentally.
Coming out of an abusive relation we are still conditioned to be looking over our shoulder etc as this is what we got use to doing.
This will get better with time.
I also experienced it and was very afraid to go out and nervous of every sound etc.
After I left my ex I moved back into my parents and was in their back spare bedroom, I chose this room as it was furthest away from the front door… sounds crazy even to me now as I type it, but at the time it was very real so I do understand.
However, I thought to myself I cannot spend the rest of my life in my parents back room so each day I would force myself to go out with my dog… first it would literally be for 5 minutes to the end of the road (my poor dog wanted a proper walk!) then the next time I would go round the small block, then after that the big block, until finally I started to get stronger and more powerful and the thoughts of looking over my shoulder faded.
Don’t get me wrong I kept myself safe and didn’t go down any deserted dark alleys, but bit by bit I got my strength back.
This was linked into other things like doing yoga and meditating.
I remember one day when I found out that he had sent naked photos of me to all my email contacts I couldn’t get out of bed, I was so upset. But I had a big bottle of water next to the bed and I just told myself… take a sip, just one sip of water. Eventually I did and then a gulp and before I knew it I was up and in the shower.
It really is one step at a time, but you have to take that step.
I always recommend reading or listening to Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life, this will help build your self love, confidence and boundaries.
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

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