Hi newbie here x

[Third Time Unlucky]

Hi all,
I’m trying to get out of an abusive relationship. It’s the third long term relationship of my adult life, and the third one that’s been abusive. I am a grandparent, so I really should know better, but there we are. Have been reading about trauma bonding and I think that must be what is going on, as life has been full of these bad relationships from childhood. I have let this man back into my life dozens of times over the last few years, and always get sucked back in because he is struggling with his mental health and addiction, and promises that he will get better so we can be happy. I need to learn that he can’t, and we won’t. All that’s going to happen is I will slowly get more and more unwell myself, and possibly ruin the career I am trying to build for myself. I feel like if I tell other people (you lovely people) that I’m going to stay away, they maybe I’ll be more accountable? Because I can’t seem to do it just for me. I hope you can help me stay on track x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, welcome.💝 yes I understand the being accountable bit. Its like you don’t want to be able to back down but without telling someone you’re only letting yourself down. Know that you are letting noone down. The men in your life have let you down. It’s only now, I’m in my mid50’s,that I feel assertive enough.always thought I needed assertive classes, no, all I needed was to stand up to my oh and everyone else who knew what was best fir me🤔 it’s so easy to get sucked back in but you’re right, he can’t and won’t change. The love of a good woman isn’t enough fir these men. Well done in putting what you need first. It’s not selfish or something that we’ve been fed as little girls. We are as important as boys and men are.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Lisa]

Welcome to the forum Third time unlucky, I am sure that you will find it such a supportive place to be. I can see you have had some great support already. If you haven’t done so already, take a look around, if it would be relevant to you take a look at the Women over 50 board.

If you are not currently in touch with a local domestic abuse abusive, you can find their details here they should be able to offer you some practical and emotional support as you end your relationship.

Keep posting

Best wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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