Hi this my first post.

[Spanishbull]

Just wanted to say hello and say how pleased I am to find this forum. It really is helpful to be able to chat to others who will get (hopefully) how I’m feeling.

Today is my first day back at work after having quite a lot of time off. I was raped, violently sexually assaulted and controlled by my now ex partner. I was finally able to end the relationship after I discovered him filming himself having sex with me. I’m fortunate that I work for myself and I am hidden away in the office with the door firmly shut. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and for me I find it difficult being around busy noisy places and working in a noisy (detail removed by Moderator) is very challenging!

I wanted to ask how people for any tips to cope when they’re having a bad day? For me a bad day is not wanting to be around anyone, hating noise, this is very difficult with working full time and having three children of my own!

Thank you for reading x

[Pondlife]

Find some very simple, manageable form of escapism even if it’s in your head and lasts less than a minute. When you work and have three kids you can’t always go away or even get out for a walk when necessary.

I used to feel soothed by simple language learning apps on my phone. They would be quick and absorbing and stop my thoughts spiralling. Since childbirth I also find counting to ten a very calming exercise. Sometimes with kids too. You can do it in your head or if possible out loud. Slowly. It regulates your breathing and has a similar effect to meditating I am told. But I have always been scared off by terms like ‘meditation’ or ‘breathing exercise’ for some reason. Counting seems more manageable.

You will find your own way. Well done. The main thing is you are your own person. Not under his control anymore. Your time is yours… I mean I know that sounds funny when your days are packed with work and kids but they are. You left him. You did that. Amazing. Well done.

[Spanishbull]

Thank you so much Pondlife for taking the time to write me a response.

I shall give the counting a go and see if it helps.

I can happily report that I managed to get through my first morning at work, barely did any work but at least I did it and tomorrow it will be easier.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Spanishbull,

Welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear what you experienced, it’s wonderful that you got out and are rebuilding your life now. It’s also very impressive that you are working, it sounds like you are on a very positive path to creating an abuse-free life.

When I have a bad day I usually try to find someone to talk to so I mostly ring up friends, post on here, maybe ring one of the helplines and for the very low times Samaritans. I also journal every day and paint out my feelings which helps, go for walks, do yoga, bake. The main focus is on self care. I used to meditate so I might try that again. I also like to watch youtube videos from people who are abuse-healing specialists, they make me feel validated and less alone and I put them on while I’m doing housework etc.

I’m also coming to understand that some days are just bad despite all of the above and that’s ok, sometimes we just have to feel the difficult emotions and know that they will pass, and hope that tomorrow is better.

[Spanishbull]

Hi sunshinerainflower

Thank you sorry much for your response.

I really like the idea of the art I will be giving that a go for sure. Also the YouTube videos, I’ve never thought of that I’ll have a look later once my children are in bed.

The one thing that really is helping is my weekly Martial
Arts, I find it’s the one place I feel really safe and I can vent the anger that I’m feeling towards myself in a good, safe way.

I’m really hoping that being back to work will bring back some normality to my life.

Thank you for saying that sometimes you do just have bad days. I had a few really good days and then was so cross that I went back to bad, it’s good to know that this is all normal.

[Author]

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