17th May 2020 at 10:06 pm #103603
Hi everybody,i still have lots if probl.but am trying to heal after marriage abusive to a (detail removed by moderator)Waiting now for my EU settlement papers so i can sort out some fiancial probl. and obtain more help.
We martied in (detail removed by moderator) ,he convinced me to come into UK second time and had almost (detail removed by moderator) of happy but it was first phase of his (detail removed by moderator).Controlled everything slowly and lied about my rights in UK,threats of deportation or/and forbidding to leave UK,he put pers.to call social serv.about my boys and gaslighted,very aggressive abuse towards my (detail removed by moderator) belief …
Meanwhile our jointly own house sale is the battlefield where he trying to crush us(i have 2 boys ,not his)threatening he will not sign for the money distributed equally and i now panic sooo much as even those few (very few)thousands would be greatly welcomed to re-build.I can not stop crying,wake up with headaches and blood from my nose.Citizen ad. bir.said he can do that and money will be frozen and that is his right of decision to not sign,agree etc.We live from charity and i feel so drained.
17th May 2020 at 11:01 pm #103611KIP.Participant
Talk to a solicitor. A court can force him to sign. He won’t get any money either. Don’t believe a word he says. Talk to the professionals and speak to your GP About the stress. Try to get some counselling in place too. Rights for Women offer free legal advice. You may also qualify for legal aid because of domestic abuse. Get support from your local women’s aid too.
18th May 2020 at 9:21 am #103626bringbacktheoldmeParticipant
As KIP says, talk to a solicitor, however from my understanding a court can’t force him to sign as it is his right to not agree to an even split but then a full investigation will be undertaken as to the background of the financials for example, who paid for the deposit, where that money came from, whose savings etc and where the income came from for the mortgage payments and that will be how the decision is made for the percentage of the split.
Also get yourself to a GP to seek medical advice for the headaches and nose bleeds and they could develop.
19th May 2020 at 9:55 am #103757
Thank you for your messages,a few more details:my best friend from E.Europe has seen this happening and she said he is trying to put pressure to intimidate me to sign whatever he wants. I obtained Legal Aid and fighting all these (detail removed by moderator) but he will not agree with divorce or show financial disclosure,or communicate with my solicitor.
About the money for house deposit come from his pension that he drew out and as i never was allowed to work (morbid jealousy,threats on my life )he paid the mortgage from his phone -with his account.At CAB a lady told me that i would seriously weaken my position to receive help from government(about EU settlem.and Univ.Credit acces)if i was to divorce him!i was shocked.What to do… i have nothing,he took everything.How can i raise my kids if a judge will not split half /half but towards his favour?!that would finish us 3.
19th May 2020 at 10:16 am #103759KIP.Participant
The court would make a decision and in effect sign it for him in the form of a court order. The courts makes the final decision in the case where parties cannot agree. Of course you need a solicitor to facilitate this and the threat of court was enough to make my ex see sense. Make sure your solicitor knows about abusive men and gives him deadlines. I’m afraid these men will lie cheat and steal and even to their own solicitor they will lie. I think if you have legal aid you should discuss getting the matter to court as soon as possible because he’s sitting pretty just now. No incentive to do anything. Take the gloves off and let the judge make the decision. Your solicitor should know what you’re entitled to legally in a divorce so that’s your starting point. I’m not giving you legal advice just letting you know my experience. You need to feed you and your kids so if that means benefits then you need to do that x
19th May 2020 at 10:33 am #103761
Thank you KIP,so helpful and i ‘ve done that “gloves out “recently but i need more funding from Legal Aid to make him present financial disclosure.By a lucky/unlucky coincidence i heard he lives many hours away from us and living “very prety”all taken care of by his siblings,even started working from home.Correct:from him no hurry to bring justice anyway.I hope that will change.I was served a light sort of injunction of communication last (detail removed by moderator) but he withdraw it,then he was on discredid-campaign towards me- a few people were confused as they are aware of marriage struggles and like me and my boys a lot.
19th May 2020 at 12:03 pm #103771Wants To HelpParticipant
For you safety and anonymity I see that some of your personal details have been removed, so please forgive me if some of what I post is not relevant to you. However, I’d like to make you aware of it just in case you do not know about it.
I do not know what country you are from but I gather you are not a British Citizen. I do not know what your status is in the UK at this time or if you are able to remain here permanently. Your ex threatens you with being deported etc, and I know this can be very distressing as you have children here. If you were to leave and return to your home country with the children you would be committing international parental child abduction, so effectively, you are ‘stuck’ in the UK because of the habitual residence status of your children.
You are now being subjected to ‘court assisted abuse’ by your ex, who uses and abuses the legal system by failing to comply with requests and dragging things out in order to cost you more money on solicitors and take time to resolve matters so that you can move on. Lots of us women know that abusers will continue to abuse in a ‘legal’ way, unfortunately, the judges seem to be taking a while to catch on to this!
Should you wish to return to your home country you can apply for a Relocation Order to legally remove your children from the UK. This is quite a lengthy process and can be expensive, but if you can be safer, free from abuse and happier in your own country with a support network there is a legal route you can take to do this. You would need to speak to a solicitor who is experienced with Hague Convention law, as that is what this comes down to and it is quite complex. Not all Family Law firms specialise in Hague Convention law so you may need to ring a few firms to find one that does.
There is also a charity that supports women who are ‘stuck’ in foreign countries with their children due to not being allowed to return home with them. Most of these women are ‘stuck’ due to domestic abuse situations and are alone and have no support network. The charity is called globalarrk and you can contact them on Facebook or via their website at globalarrk.org They have more specific support for the legal aspects of being trapped in a country you don’t want to be in with your children, but they are also aware of the Domestic Abuse issues that go with this.
Of course, you may actually want to remain in the UK and live here, so forgive me if this information is not applicable to you.
Best wishes to you x
19th May 2020 at 12:23 pm #103773
thank you ,for the advice is useful i will talk to them if needed.My sons are not his and are (detail, removed by moderator),and i did already come in /out with them twice since then with many months gap.He is not likely to sign to split money half and he is indicating that,my solicitor from legal aid sort of know these tricks.Is the threat to homeless for me and kids after sale is done and money been frozen that scares me so much.
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