Him? Or am I crazy

[Spinningmind]

I’ve been with my partner most of my life There have been times he left me or cheated lately I’m struggling I’ve been trying to make me feelings of how he treats me clear but he turns it on me and acts depressed, he does work but I have to do everything myself and for the kids he doesn’t like me spending time with anyone else if I do he says it’s because I’m unhappy with him so I stay home, he makes comments about my phone, what I wear, make up he even said I should bath while he is at work because when he is home my attention should be in him, he’s now starting saying he wants sex everyday but I’m tired but I do it to stop arguments sorry I’m just so lost at the minute I don’t know what to do anymore.

[diymum@1]

this is coersive control theres a new advert specifying just what youve described – can you call womens aid? this would be the first step in tackling this xx you dont have to live like this xx much love diymum x

[Spinningmind]

Thankyou diymum I will try to call if I can I’ve been telling myself for years it will change we go in circles but sometimes it’s hard to believe because he will be so nice, I feel I can’t do anything right if I say something i get silent treatment or I end up apologising or he will say I’m better off without him x

[diymum@1]

hes playing with your mind and he knows what hes doing. have you read why does he do that its a pdf online by lundy bancroft – its all in there why they do this to us. he wants to control you because hes so insecure in himself. he dosent feel like a whole person without feeling that he has complete control of you. its crazy but not all men are like this – reach out for help and your very welcome – keep learning and it becomes clear – you do need support in this its very hard to get trough this situation without proper expert help xx much love diymum

[diymum@1]

what hes doing is conditioning you and its aabit like grooming hes using emotional abuse to get you guilt tripped – its his way of making sure you dont leave xx you may feel trauma bonded this is when we become conditioned in to craving their good side. its mind bending but you can get out of this situation it will take time, patience and strength
+ lots of support and back up for your safety and well being xx

[diymum@1]

call the help line above and read about this were here on tap always for support the women are so strong and amazing on here 🙂 xx

[diymum@1]

he wont change although for a while we all hope they will – that would be alot easier – unfortunately only we can change this by making plans to leave the relationship when were emotionally ready and when we have the right support xx

[Spinningmind]

Thankyou I’m going to read what ever I can and I know he is very insecure but I do wonder if that’s because of how he treats me I do hope one day I will be strong enough to leave it’s very difficult because I do love him but i can’t take much more. I’ve read stories on this site from amazing women and I can relate to most of them I feel a bit blinded at the moment, he also controls all the money as I don’t work so it’s very hard for me. X

[diymum@1]

its honestly the hardest thing in the world to face SM but its doable xx theres also when dad hurts mum – not sure what hes like around the kids? and living with the dominator – they will all shed the light you need to make the right decisions – your going to be attached to him hes your life partner it dosent make them good for us though or our families its not nice and takes a olong time to see through them. lots of obstacles in the way money etc xx i was the same i stayed for twenty years – i only now wish i had left sooner but like you i did think it might get better and to be honest i didnt know what was happeneing or where to turn. its hard even understanding our own feelings in this because they do play with our emotions we doubt ourselves we all do. but its not us i promise xx sending you strength

[diymum@1]

hes from the breed of men who think they own you – its like your their possesion once they marry you – have kids/ i can remember feeling flattered that he was so obsessed with me- i was really young and i mistook that for love – he didnt love me and neither did i looking back i was an object to him and he was like crutch because i felt vulnerable. he was the wrong person to rely on because he would spit on me throw hissy fits like yours when i met friends or saw family. they want you to themselves which isnt normal and inevitably erodes your relationships with the family/friends around you. they do this to isolate you so you need them more – this is how these bonds with these guys get tighter xx i hope womens aid can guide you xx

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there SM and welcome to the forum,

I agree with everything DM’s suggested, it’s such a confusing time because there are so many emotions involved, so use this time to read the books DM suggested and use Google as well to read shorter articles on trauma bonding as well. This was a real eye-opener for me.
Remember, none of this is your fault. Nothing you do will fix him.
Contact WA if you feel you can (they are so understanding, trust me you won’t be met with any judgment). They can also help you come up with a plan of leaving if that is the route you decide to take. Even if you aren’t ready to leave yet, they can still help.
Keep posting on here as well, it’s been a real lifeline for me to just vent my frustrations when the emotions became too much to keep it inside.

[financabuse]

DIYmum and Always Sorry are spot on SM.

I wish you all the luck as you navigate out of this. Getting your own perspective back having been held in the perspective of the abuser for so long is a weird thing but so necessary. Kick them out of your mind, they don’t belong in there – mind control is NOT love.

[Author]

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