His belongings

[Hollapops-]

Please help if you can. It has been over (detail removed by moderator) months since my ex (detail removed by moderator) walked out on me. I’ve been doing really well however feeling slightly on edge as he has a bike and his friends (detail removed by moderator) equipment in my shed and he hasn’t contacted me at all about this. I terrified about what to do, I kind of want to dump the stuff, donate etc however I have heard legally it’s not my stuff and I can’t do that. It’s like he still has a hold on me with this stuff and I just want it gone. If it was minimal stuff I would have posted it but it’s bulky large items. I did wonder if I could contact his housemate to help and ask him to be discrete? Thank you

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

I’m in same situation although it’s only been (detail removed by moderator) days but like you say it’s like they have a hold. I rang police and they said mutual friend or family member will have to collect. I’ve texted his sister every other day and nothing. Feel like dumping it as it’s in bags in my hallway and it’s stressing me out. If I had a car I would dump it to his mum’s myself

[KIP.]

Hi, if it’s your home and not his he has no right to leave his belongings. I would give him 7 days to arrange uplift of his things or they will be dumped. That’s fair and he cannot accuse you of destroying his things.

[Lisa]

Hi Hollapops,

Please phone 101 to ask the Police advice as to what you are permitted to do with his belongings in your shed. They will know the right route to take.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Form Moderator

[KIP.]

Most solicitors offer free legal advice. The police told me to put his things in the shed as he sent people round on  occasions unannounced, one man actually entered my house when I didn’t answer the door! but my solicitor advised he has a right to leave his things there as its still partly his shed! I know the reason he leaves his property there is so that he has ‘probable deniability’ when he turns up. I can see his game even if nobody else can. It’s getting dumped one way or another before the restraining order is lifted.

[Dragonfly]

Please don’t destroy his things. I gave him plenty of warning to come pick it up. He didn’t. Then I found myself inside – yes inside!! a wheelie bin getting it all out the next day!!!! Don’t laugh…..I did actually feel dreadful that I’d chucked it all out. It wasn’t mine to throw away.

As Lisa says, I’d ask police for advice.

[IDontKnowWhoIAm]

Hi,

I don’t know how you stand legally on this but I had someone send my ex an email listing all the items that he left. It explained that he had to send a third party to collect them within a certain timescale otherwise I was going to dispose of them.

Of course he had to ditate the terms of collection but it was all collected. I found this another mind game as he left sentimental property there as he knew I couldn’t dispose of and a laptop that he could only go so long without.

I hope this helps. Can I just say a big thank you to everyone that posts in these forums, it has made my life so much more manageable when things have been dark Xx

[White Rose]

You’ve had lots of good advice but as his friends stuff is there too are you able to get the friend to at least collect his belongings and while he’s there drop hints about the rest?
Is the shed secured? If not is he paying insurance on his stuff?

[iwillbeok]

I too am tripping over all his c**p. I’m boxing stuff up but am running out of room to stack. We have no 3rd party mutual acquaintances. He has emailed me a list of stuff he wants and suggested son could ferry the rest bit by bit! What I would like to do is stack out yhe front with son babysitting it and give him written permission to come and collect while I’m out for the day… hmmm…

I think a letter to his lawyer is brewing…

[Bubblegum]

I had to get solicitor involved with my Ex partner belongings .No amount talking etc did any good he would not collect his belongings ( another form control stressing you out).Solicitor wrote him a letter behalf of me told him someone on his behalf had to collect his belongings by certain date .If they weren’t collected I could then get rid of his belongings .Youve also got it in writing as well .Dont get rid of his belongings tho if you haven’t gone fine legal route first as you’ll get into trouble .Will probably have to pay for letter but for me worth every penny .

[Ayanna]

I will forever regret that I did not remove every thing of his belongings from the marital home and sold his stuff at a flea market.
I left all his things and much more in our marital home, silly me.

What proof does he have that the bike and all that stuff is in your place? Can he proof it?
What if you say that is a fantasy and you go on and make money from his s**t?

Be wicked. There is no justice for women anyway.

[iwillbeok]

Having done some more reading I realise this is the empath side of me – he’s in temporary accommodation and im thinking of him having to move all his stuff twice. Argh – why do i still care about making his life smooth. I guess part of it is also is 1) I’ve become a chronic procrastinator over the years and 2) i dont want to stir things up by appearing to be the sggressive one. Sigh…

[Finallysomethingclicked]

Hi

My ex left a lot of stuff at my house( his name was never on it) we arranged several times for him to collect his stuff but he never showed up I was told by the police to arrange a time and date via email or letter and to have a copy as proof and if he didn’t collect I was to put the belongings at the foot of my drive. He did collect

Hope this helps x

[Author]

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