- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.
30th June 2016 at 12:55 pm #20523AnonymousInactive
My fiance and his best friend have been friends for a very long time, they have known each other since primary school. I met his best friend the same night I met him. (his friend was actually the first one to say he liked me, but I was madly inlove with my fiance at the time and didnt pay attention to him).
His friend was bullied in primary school and had no friends except for my fiance.
We have always been close and he visits quite often, but we never spoke about anything serious or opened up to each other. Last weekend he came to visit and I was stunned with what he told us. When they were friends in primary school he phoned my fiance the one day and said he is breaking up their friendship, without explanations, he ended it just like that. It was only years after that they became friends again. Now the past weekend he felt the urge and need to tell my fiance why he broke up their friendship all those years ago. It turns out that the bullying affected him very badly and he said the only friend he had ended up bullying him as well. He would always hit him and call him names when they were young and even though his friend asked him to stop, he would just do it again to be spiteful. His friend said that with the bullying he already had to en-dour he could not stand having a friend that did the same to him. All he wanted when he was a boy was a close friend who would protect him.
My heart instantly broke when he said it. I just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything is okay now. He is so sweet and honest and likes living a positive life. He even stayed in a relationship 7 months after he wanted to end it because he didnt want to break the girl’s heart, and now hearing those painful words saying all he wanted was a friend and what he got was a bully broke my heart. I think mainly because I am in the situation with my fiance now that he was in all those years ago. He managed to deal with it, but I still cant. My fiance will do exactly the same to me. When he knows I hate it when he does something or asks him to stop, he will then do it more just to annoy me.
What broke my heart even more is that when we went to bed, my fiance told me he thinks his friend is being childish and how could he end a friendship all those years ago over such a childish thing. Its like he has no remorse of what he is doing to the people around him.
30th June 2016 at 2:29 pm #20534AnonymousInactive
That was a brave thing for his best friend to do telling him how he made him feel. I think we can all identify with that feeling of wanting someone to protect us. In an ideal world we would all have that place where life is nice and it feels completely safe. Your fiance will probably never see how what he does affects other people they seem to have trouble seeing outside of themselves unless it affects them directly. At least you understood the best friend and could empathise, it is possible the best friend would probably be the most likely to understand what you live with and maybe by bringing up his earlier experiences he was indirectly telling you he gets it. All speculation of course you would be the best person to gauge why he suddenly brought it up x
30th June 2016 at 11:03 pm #20593AyannaParticipant
Oh, that is heartbreaking.
How do you get on?
Could this friend become an ally with you?
4th July 2016 at 2:06 pm #20881AnonymousInactive
I am so sorry for only replying to you now.
(detail removed by moderator) thank you for the kind words. I do not think he was indirectly trying to say something as everyone around us think we have the perfect relationship ever (he likes to fake when he is around people). His dad even thinks that you cant get a more pure relationship than ours (if he only knew). He has got everyone fooled. But atleast I know that I am not the only one suffering under his abuse (I dont want anyone else to suffer because of him, I would rather protect them and have him direct it at me, but it does make me feel better knowing that he felt the same as I do. It makes me feel that it is not entirely my fault).
Ayanna thank you so much for all your support. Unfortunately he will not become an ally. I know he would support me through thick and thin, but he will rather step back and support with kind words than to join the fight. I wouldnt expect it from him either as they have been friends for decades and I dont want to ruin that for them.
Thank you for everything ladies
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