His new partner

[Freebirdie]

I fled my ex partner because he was so abusive in so many different ways. By the end of the relationship I was a shell of a person, I’ve taken time to fully heal, done therapy and feel I’m returning back to who I was before that relationships.
We didn’t have contact for a long time but as we share children we are back in contact now and see each other as a result of sharing children. He’s now being so reasonable and kind towards me.  My brain finds it hard to compute how he is now presenting as how he was when we first got together. He’s with someone new and he texts and calls me more than necessary. I don’t respond to text messages which don’t feel they need a response. But recently I’ve felt lots of grief for the end of our relationship, and I’ve been missing him a lot. I think it’s because he’s showing the version of him I fell in love with.

is it normal to be jealous of a new partner even though I left? And is it possible that he won’t be treating her as awfully as he did me? I keep thinking they seem so happy and he seems so happy and that makes me question myself. Because when I miss him I imagine him here and I instantly don’t want that, I don’t want rules and eggshells and a life like that, so why do I feel like this? Why can’t I just move on?

[Yesican]

I think it’s normal to feel a bit jealous. Particularly if he is being really nice and sweet. I wonder if it’s all a game to him to pull you back in or to punish you for leaving? You’ve left and I have too. isn’t it amazing to be free of the abuse? It’s not always easy at all on our own. I was chatting to Womens Aid about feeling frozen and trapped when I was in my relationship. And now as I become unfrozen, maybe I am beginning to feel the pain of it all. It will pass.

Take care of yourself and trust that you did the right thing by leaving

[Freebirdie]

I think you’re probably right, there are certain things that keep me confused and feeling off, I wonder if it’s all to just keep being on my mind to stop me from truly moving on.
It really is, I love being free and I love living the way I do now without control and fear. I think sometimes I wonder that it felt so normal and now I’m just processing it all.

thank you for making me feel less alone

[Bananaboat]

Oh yes I can totally relate to this! But remember it’s all an act. He’s currently pretending to be a great guy to hook this new gf in and he either makes you out to be a bitter crazy ex, or uses you to support his nice guy image. Looks like he’s using you for the nice guy here – my ex does the same. It’s hard because to the outside world his texts look friendly, like he’s asking about the kids etc but we know he doesn’t really give two hoots about the kids or us! They also do it to test the water – are you still going to comply with his wishes, can he still manipulate you for his own needs or worse – are you still an option if this gf falls through. They love to triangulate so he’ll be playing you and the gf off somehow (maybe comparing her to you to make her feel one way or the other), eitherway he’ll be enjoying the attention and games.

All that said, my ex’s new gf is beginning to show signs of his misery. He’s walking ahead, she looks miserable a lot, their social life has dried up – he’s got his claws into her but she’s not yet at the stage she can see the real him yet. So don’t be jealous, he’s not happy, she’s not happy but you can be in your peaceful home x

[Author]

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