28th April 2016 at 11:35 pm #15734
As I think some of you may know, I am no contact with my ex: he is meant to contact my mum over contact with my youngest.
He doesn’t contact her about child contact, and just arranges things with our son, but a few months ago suddenly texted my mum to demand I hand over my child benefit to him ( I am the main carer).
Now tonight, my mum says he had emailed her again. Our financial order is over, but we still have a joint account in both our names.
It is frozen, and no money can be taken from it, but is in overdraft.
I have recently paid in a couple of hundred to get the overdraft down, but have not the funds to obliterate the debt all at once.
Strictly speaking,the debt is joint. Once it is at zero, the account can be shut.
He left me with masses of bills to pay etc and gives me minimal maintenance. Now he emails my mum to demand that I pay it off.
He is still dictating from afar. Still, he tries to order me about.
And he said to my mum that he is sure I will be happy to do this, as it will mean the breaking of the final bond between us.
Why does he use my mum in this way, yet not in the way the court ordered? Why are his communications always about money- and to my mum, not a solicitor?
All he thinks about is money.
I have already paid quite a bit off: how about him contributing to clear it?
Any communication from him is bullying, dictatorial and mercenary.
28th April 2016 at 11:51 pm #15740Escaped not freeParticipant
That’s disgusting. Just vile. I would get report it to police. It’s harasment.
They really do just abuse any little leverage they are given to get what they want. Aaaagh! It’s horrible when you see it affect your family. I’ve seen my mum harassed and police are finally now taking it seriously, as are the procurator fiscal. It’s part of a pattern. Report it. X
29th April 2016 at 1:27 am #15751AyannaParticipant
Yes, report him for not following court orders and harassment. What if you do not pay? You paid already. You can refuse now.
When I read between the lines, he actually means that he wants to finally end every bond between the two of you and paying off the account would finalize that. As he does not want to pay he tries to bully you into paying, in order to achieve his goal. He may suffer more than you that this form of contact still exists and he is now impatient.
Sometimes you need to be stubborn and wait. Maybe he pays in a few months if you do not pay and do not react? Would it be worth doing nothing and just watching, not even answering his email?
29th April 2016 at 6:43 am #15775HealthyarchiveBlocked
It sounds like he is still trying to get to you Serenity, did he email you recently after you paid the money into the joint account? It may have triggered off the verbal abuse, made him get back into controlling mode? I think they like to keep one foot in all the time, being negative and mean as it makes them feel worthy. X*X
29th April 2016 at 8:22 am #15787
I paid off a few hundred of it ( equating to half) a few months ago, though it wasn’t my responsibility. I have no money to wipe it off and close the account. If I had the money to do this, I would love to be free of this. I have already asked the bank if they could open a new account for me and transfer the over act to it so I could deal with it on my own over time. I just wanted to be free of any ties to him. But they said it would need to be at zero before it was closed. And since he has landed such bills on me and is paying £1 per day maintenance, and I have been struggling financially, I have realised that actually, I mustn’t pay it all. He is responsible too.
Ayanna, he is earning masses. He has a job earning loads in cash in hand and is now the owner of a property where he gets rental income. He could pay his outstanding part and close the account tomorrow, and break the final bond if he wished. He just chooses not to, because he likes to continue to play games and to irder me about and to see me financially suffering, even though we are now divorced. He still thinks he can bully me.
He doesn’t want the final bond to sever. He wants to use this to still bully and control me.
I hope to find a way of paying off the outstanding amount this year, and closing the account. I have no funds at present.
Post separation abuse still comes in cycles! Last month he wanted me to hand over the benefits I am entitled to as a single, part-time time worker mum: now he wants to force me to pay off a joint debt, when I have already paid my part.
His bugbear seems to be me surviving financially. This seems to be his angle of attack. And yet, he is earning a fortune, living mainly alone and paying next to zero child maintenance.
Once this account is closed, he will think of something else to bully me with via my mum.
This latest incident is being logged by me, as another string to my bow in getting a harassment order against him.
29th April 2016 at 9:19 am #15797
No, he didn’t contact my mum or myself after I paid off the half sum. There has been no contact between us. He didn’t mention it to my mum.
He intermittently gets in touch with my mum to dictate things to me from afar. Like the cycle continues.
If I thought my mum was upset by these emails, I would feel bad about her being third party. But actually , she is very tough ( too tough at times! ) as a person and just laughs at his emails and ignores them.
4th May 2016 at 1:38 pm #16305
He has now contacted my solicitor to demand that I pay off the overdraft, so we can close the account.
It is joint debt and I have recently paid almost half off. Now he is trying to get me to accrue debt with my solicitor by involving him ( my legal aid is now finished).
I have replied to my solicitor and explained all this, and how I don’t have the funds to pay it all off at one go. I said it was joint debt, but I realised my ex won’t pay.
My solicitor asked me to pay it off!!!! Sometimes, I think my solicitor is taken in by how my ex presents things! I put him straight!
If I had the funds, I would pay it off. The account has been frozen since before the divorce: I have not used any money from it.
It is his continuing attempt to control and keep me low on money.
Once this is paid off, he will change the goal post to something else.
He is taking the money in.
How could I have married such a monster? He can’t bear the thought of use being ok without him. What kind of person thinks like that?
Advice, please! X
4th May 2016 at 1:47 pm #16310KIP.Participant
Stick to your guns. The debt was made during the marriage. It is his half that is outstanding. How dare your solicitor tell you to pay his half. What else will he get you to pay next. Mine used money as leverage and sent my son round who asked where I was getting money from. My ex thought I’d be running back to him by now. Just because he is financially irresponsible doesn’t mean I am.
4th May 2016 at 2:03 pm #16312
I think my ex has realised what he has lost.
He thought he had turned me into a pliable, gullible doormat, and he had lost all respect for me.
He was shocked when I outed him to Cafcass, the court…
He never, ever thought I had the strength or brain power to do what I did ( he thinks he is the only clever one ). I accepted his challenge, and I won on many fronts.
He is furious about that, and the fact that I continue to ignore him and treat him like he is invisible.
He made me feel used and invisible and despised for nearly two decades. But I have realised I am a powerful agent too. I have discovered my power.
He can rant all he likes. I am ignoring him.
4th May 2016 at 2:08 pm #16314Confused123Participant
Ignore him hun, let him at least try to pay half debt off, if his got a house which he didnt even declare he can try paying to break contact faster if his that bothered, i wonder if its affecting his credit that his keen for u to settle, drag it on and try get him to pay,u dont need to say this to him, he wants the communcation with u to get in your head , let him get p** off
4th May 2016 at 2:17 pm #16318
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