His stuff

[Apricot]

My partner has a huge amount of stuff left in the home we shared. Much of it large, bulky and expensive and it includes vehicles. The house is going to be sold soon, that’s totally out of my hands.

I don’t know what to do with his things. I have tried to seek legal advice and they insist that I have a legal responsibility to ensure that his things are secure and undamaged. He has a minimum of three months to collect them – after which time it is my responsibility to try and contact him to make arrangements for collection.

After years of financial abuse and being saddled with £1000s of his debts, I am faced with the prospect of having to pay to store the possessions he bought with my money. I just don’t know how I can afford it. I can’t currently contact him for legal reasons but the thought of speaking to him fills me with horror. This feels like a continuation of the abuse. It’s another way I am tied to him and another excuse for him to contact me.

Has anyone else faced a situation like this? I’m not sure who to contact to ask for help with this issue, it is so specific.

[Lisa]

Hi Apricot,

I’m sorry your having to go through this. It certainly doesn’t seem right of fair that you should have to be financially responsible for his possessions. Especially since there was domestic abuse involved in the relationship when you were together.

Perhaps speak to your local domestic abuse service to see what they can advise. They may have links to good legal advice from solicitors that understand the dynamics of domestic abuse. Or you can contact Rights of Women who provide free legal advice.

You mentioned the financial abuse you endured when in the relationship. It would seem he continues this abuse by refusing to take responsibility for his own possessions, knowing very well, that financially you’ll be made to deal with it. The Financial Support Line for Victims of Domestic Abuse is a service specialising in the financial side of domestic abuse. Anyone who has experienced domestic abuse can call for one-off advice regarding debts, benefits and budgeting from the Financial Support Line, or self-refer for ongoing casework on 0808 196 8845 (Mon-Thurs 9am- 5pm).

The National Debt Line gives information and advice on debt; including bank, credit card, finance, mortgage arrears, council tax, hire purchase and utility debts. Issues dealt with include county court, refusal of credit, bank charges, harassment, housing and homelessness and bailiffs. The National Debt line is able to signpost callers, make referrals and can be contacted on 0808 808 4000 (9am-9pm Mon-Fri & 9.30am-1pm Sat).

Money Helper provides free and impartial advice around money. They can be contacted on 0800 138 7777 (Mon-Fri 8am-6pm) or live chat (Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, Sat 8am-4) via their website.

Also, StepChange are a debt charity, that provide free, confidential and expert debt advice and money guidance, recommend the best solution or service for your circumstances, support you while you deal with your money worries for as long as you need their help, and campaign on your behalf to reduce the risk of debt problems and the harm it causes. They are contactable on 0800 138 1111 (Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am-4pm) or live chat via the website.

I hope this is useful.

Take care,

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Apricot

I am sorry for your horrible situation. It seems totally unreasonable to me that you are forced into being responsible for goods he has walked away from? Unless he was forced to leave, in which case, the situation is very different, however, he still brought on that situation himself, and I fail to see how any of his belongings become your responsibility, especially where you having to contribute financially is involved.

Please use some of those lines suggested, they will be able to offer the answers you need.

Often, its recommended on here that items get left outside, or at another address, or even at a police station for him to collect, but that would relate more to personal belongings not large items, like, say, furniture/cars.

However, where cars are concerned, he is fully liable for them, assuming his name is on the log book? In which case you can issue notice for him to remove them under threat they will be put on the street, if not, and he will then face other charges of dumping, towing, perhaps being untaxed/mot, etc.

I do hope you can find a resolution, can you ask a third party to do the speaking for you, or a solicitor, if you have one, to write a letter to him, requesting he liaise with them, and not you?

I know how scared you must be feeling at the prospect of having to speak with or see him, but you shouldnt have to if you can make a third party arrangement.

warmest wishes

ts

[Apricot]

Hi ts,

He was forced to leave but he had at least a month’s notice before then to start removing his things and even an offer of a free place to store them. He had actually started to move some things into storage but once I left, ridiculously, he started to moved them back INTO the house. He had a police escort to collect basic items since then but that’s all.

I contacted women’s aid via chat today and have spoken to my support worker. I found that my local dab organisation will provide me with a non-mol for free which will help and puts my mind at rest a bit. I am going to start applying for the divorce very soon (removed by moderator). I’ve spoken to step change and applied for breathing space so hopefully that will help me pay for the solicitor – fingers crossed!

What worries me about speaking to him is all the feelings it drags back up. I’m scared I’ll crumble. I’m fighting for a bit of peace, I don’t want to go back to how I felt after I left – all the guilt, fear and pain. It’s a fight not to feel sorry for him – I have to remember he chose this and keeps choosing it.

Thank you and best wishes xx

[Twisted Sister]

thats a great update! You’ve sorted so much, and I really hope it helps with you feeling more in control of your life again now?

Yes, he’s already had notice, and he ignored it, don’t play his game, he doesn’t legally need more notice if he was already given it. Your solicitor can ask him to arrange for people to collect his belongings, this could be removal people, or a man and a van type thing. All you need do is put them out. Noone needs to come in, and certainly you don’t need to speak to him, or have him near the house.

Brilliant that you will get a non-mol for free. So glad you have found good support around you.

warmest wishes

ts

[Marmalade]

This sounds very difficult but the answer lies in consulting legal advice.
If I have read your previous posts correctly there are bail conditions in place which mean direct contact shouldn’t happen, the house belonged to someone else and is now being sold and he has no current fixed abode so nowhere to put his belongings. All of these things make collecting his belongings far from straightforward.
So is there a third party who can act as a go-between? Could your solicitor send him a letter listing his possessions and giving him a date to collect them by?
I don’t understand the waiting for 3 months and then asking him to collect. I would be asking my solicitor if the letter can be sent now. If there is a (reasonably lengthy maybe the 3 months or when the house sale is due to complete) deadline given, then he has time to sort something out.

[Apricot]

Hi Marmalade,

It is a complicated situation and it’s hard to get a straight answer from anyone. I think you are right that I need legal advice. I have tried the numbers above but have been unable to get through so far. I think I’ve made some progress today in other ways but it’s all so confusing.

I am trying to pull enough money together to put on account with the solicitor but it’s not easy. They are so expensive and my priority needs to be the divorce. I hope they can give some help with the issue over his possessions or at least contact him officially to tell him to remove his things. I’m not sure how they even contact him as he has no current address. He’s taken so much already, it seems so unfair to have to pay more to get him out of my life. It feels like he’ll be taking forever sometimes. And today I can’t stop feeling sorry for him and even worrying about him. I just want some peace from it all. Does it ever end?

Thank you and best wishes xx

[KIP.]

You can bet he’s not worrying about you. When the house is sold, his belongings left are his responsibility. Your solicitor can email or text him on your behalf. They’re not your belongings so I don’t see why they’re your responsibility. You’re moving out with your belongings and it’s upto him to do the same. The law is based around fairness and it’s not fair that you have to do this job for him. He’s not your responsibility. He knows the house is being sold and I’m assuming he knows what date. He will use this to control you and keep contact going. Use a third party for all contact. Either a solicitor or a friend or family member. Does he have any family or friends that can collect his belongings and take responsibility. If you get involved and do this for him, he won’t bother.

[Camel]

Not dealing with his property is just another way for him to control you. It’s also a huge distraction.

His property is his responsibility. Yes, you’re obliged to keep it secure, not dumping it on the street for example. But that doesn’t extend to moving it anywhere or paying for storage.

I’d suggest taking a detailed inventory with photos and lodging it with your solicitor. Take photos of everything in situ when you vacate. If his stuff is still there it will be classed as abandoned. Just make sure you’re not named as co-owner of vehicles.

[StrongLife]

Yes.

I sought legal advice and just left. It was too dangerous to stay in house. I relocated.

He has the stuff and lawyers cost just way above the furniture costs and other this plus there is scare aspect you mentioned- that as well as cost turned me away.

I ended up with new stuff anyway.

[Author]

Posts