history repeating itself and mega stress

[Jupiter]

As all you ladies have written life after abuse is such a struggle-we find our own ways to cope time passes then bang-yet another big shock.
my youngest has told me that my eldest’s wife has threatened to divorce him and remove their small children abroad to her native home.I am shattered and in a high state of stress on top of PTSD.It is a repeat of what happened years ago for me as my kids were kidnapped by ex and never returned due to cover-ups etc etc.My poor son adores his children and is a great dad but has a condition where communication is difficult so she is treating him badly.I am heartbroken because I lost mine years back and now my grandchildren could be lost too. Our side of the family can not finance lawyers and my daughter in law’s family are very wealthy.As posted on here our bodies speak for us and all our systems express high stress levels.I am in a massive trigger zone and unable to cry as Im so tense.I feel totally helpless and almost bereaved in advance due to these cruel threats.
Jupiter

[Anonymous]

Hi 🙂

Take a look at parental responsibility and see whether your grandchildren are your sons responsibility. I think if they are married he automatically has pr. And if their births were registered after the 1st Dec 2003 he also will have pr. Which may mean he would be able to stop them leaving the country through a application at a family court. Google some details and see whether it will help your son and how much it costs to get the judgement.

Best wishses

[Serenity]

Hi Jupiter,

I am so sorry for this new situation.

I think Moving On has given you some sound advice.

Someone once told me that in dire situations, emotions are our enemy. We need to strive to be action- focussed.

You can use all your knowledge and experience to help your son now. Take one day at a time x

[Jupiter]

Thank you for your replies.
Yes I have taken some action by contacting a relevant charity. Overthinking does get in the way when DA is at the bottom of it all.
A hug to everyone.
Jupiter x

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

As hard ad it is , try asnd put your emotions aside, moving on aside has guided u right, i would get your son to get his free legal 30 min advice too, speak to few and ask different questions, if he has parent responsoibility both parents have to give permission for child to go abroad, i take it he is on birth certificate, im sure u cna put something in place, after it is in place then u need to tell your son she is emotionally abusiing him and he does not need to take it

[Jupiter]

Hi Confused

Thanks for your post and advice–just read now.
It is a hideous situation as Ive been through this years back re my own and here it is again but good info is key.
Daughter in law is a nag and bully and painful to see your child receive some of what you did from ex.My concern is his disability re verbal communication will prevent him from coping with court etc-he lives a long way from me so I might have to get an advocate near him to deal with it as it unfolds.
I wonder how common next generation abuse is when children have been part of the abuse that their mother received?The free legal advice is helpful as he would not qualify for legal aid due to his current income.
Main worry is not preventing her from leaving the country because she frequently flies to her own country with the kids to visit her family and one day she might not return. These are the main questions.Yes my son is on birth certificate and married both over there and here too.
Jupiter X

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

Not sure what country she visits but im sure your son will still be protected, by law she cant keepkids there unless she goes into hiding, yes it would prob be good idea to get some one local to him to representive him, hope u manage to sort out

[Nova]

Hi
Just wanted send a quick message of support to let you know I’m thinking of you..
sounds mega stressful, I think there must be restrictions to her being able to just up & off, surely as mentioned your son as the other parent also has PR, it usually has to go to court if there’s a seperation and children are involved, to sort out, when he can have access etc.

Cafcass or a social worker and citizens advice are good at signposting, referring and free…at the very least to start the ball rolling, for mediation and working out a plan thats best for all, including you! Supportive, Grandparents like you, are so important, as is every family member, friends, school life, as well as home.. its the whole picture, not just what she wants!

big hugs

Cx

[Jupiter]

Dear Cuppa

Thank you for your support–I appreciate it.
It feels like some cosmic joke at times where there is no peace from tragedy and abuse in the family.These are all good ideas without money.As you say not what she wants but Im afraid coming from a rich family she is used to getting her own way with everything!! Like me my poor son is having adult abuse on top of past childhood abuse .When he visited with his baby recently she skyped around 12 times a day or more telling us what to do in my home! Males are so easily seduced by good looks ignoring whats inside….
Send hugs back to you and the rest of our forum family.
Jupiter X

[Nova]

Jupiter,

Your a strong family support, obviously what’s best for the children is the main priory, all round, regardless of the adults wants…

They have rights too, maybe establishing this is the first step, towards compromise?!

Hugs all round!
Cx

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