Hit by son

[Ssss]

My son hit me. He alway argues with me.. but he whacked me.. it was more shock I felt although it did hurt.. I blame myself for staying so he has such a role model…. it’s the sign of what’s to come…I feel disgusted with myself that I’ve let this whole situation happen… it’s such a mess… the worst of it my friend saw it and looked disgusted.. although I spoke to my child.. he never apologised and just carried on the rest of the day normally. We were out so I couldn’t sent him to room etc.. I just accepte

[KIP.]

This is not your fault. I think if your friend witnessed it, she may be able to help you. I don’t know what age your son is but would you consider involving the police? You have a witness. Your son thinks this is normal acceptable behaviour and it will only get worse. It’s not your fault. My son turned nasty (detail removed by moderator) and sometimes there is nothing we can do but save ourselves. Thankfully my abuser moved my son out as a ‘punishment’ to me. Best thing he could have done. Speak to women’s aid and the NSPCC helpline too. I really do,feel for you but this is not your fault and this behaviour is not acceptable.

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

Its not fault your stayed solong, we all leave when we are ready, yes theey do pick the bad beahviour but that does not make it right. I would call the nspcc and see what they guide u, im not sure of your son age but i would def have a word with him again about how his behaviour is not tolerated and i knwo u wont want to but consider reporting him to police. I sadly had to do this to my teenager son, its heart breaking as u have to keep doing till the mesage sinks in, but this is the only way they do learn. make sure u have support around u and dependig on his age their maybe supoort for him

[Anonymous]

Hi,

If he’s a teenager or preteen a word with the local police might be enough of a scare to stop it happening again. Explain to them that his father was an abuser and he needs to know it’s not ok. Most police are more than willing to help and they don’t have to make it official. Getting some advise from the ladies at womens aid might help too as I am sure they will have dealt with this before. Main thing is to not let it become habit. Having a 6ft teen pushing you around can be just as much of a living he’ll as it is living with an abusive partner. Wishing you luck and hoping this stays a one off incident.

[Serenity]

My son showed physical aggression to me after his dad left.

I think he was angry, confused, he had a bad role model and I also think he was displaying ‘kicked dog’ syndrome: after my ex left, my son confirmed to me how unkind his dad had been to him- and physical- when I had been out at work.
I felt broken with guilt about that.

Abuse thrives on secrecy, and I wanted my son to know that if any abuse continues in the house after my ex had gone, I would not keep it secret. My ex was always trying to make my eldest the black sheep. Apparently, it’s standard for a narc parent to make one child out to be the golden child and the other the black sheep/ scapegoat for their own bad behaviour.

My eldest had been put down and made to feel like there was something so wrong with him over the years. I was almost as if my ex was inciting him to do bad things- trying to make him bad ( this included my ex telling my son to steal on the first day at his new job- sick; but my son told me, thankfully).

So when my eldest began kicking out, I didn’t want to call the police immediately, though I would have done if it had escalated. Instead, I called the early intervention team / family crisis team within SS and asked for some temporary assistance.

It wasn’t that I felt I needed parenting tips on how to cope; I just felt it was important that the kids knew that I wasn’t isolated, that I would ask for outside help if things deteriorated and that there was also help for us. Neither I or the kids needed to suffer alone. We had a lady who came to see us three/ four times and, although she didn’t say anything groundbreaking in terms of advice, her presence spoke volumes in terms of breaking the silence/ isolation that can be so painful.

Because it was a free service which I had requested from SS voluntarily, it wasn’t recurred or built into any historical report.

Our abuser relies upon us being vulnerable isolated after they have gone and to use the kids to continue inflicting damage. We need to show both our kids and our abuser that we aren’t alone, and that we can find support and fortification out in the community.

The fact your son did this publicly and not secretly at home, I wonder if it is dramatic cry for help or an indication of there being a need for him having some mentoring or support? I don’t know how old your son is, but of course his age will be important in all this.

[Ayanna]

Please do not let him get away with this.
You have to be very firm and contact the NSPCC and social services. He needs to understand that he committed a crime.

If he does not change you need to get him out of the house. He needs to feel that you do not put up with that and that you withdraw all your care if he refuses to understand the severity of what he has done.

[Author]

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