Hitting a wall

[katielove]

I have been out of my abusive relationship for well over (detail removed by Moderator), however the police side of it trundles on. And on. I have hit a real wall recently – I feel like I have changed in to a person I don’t like. If I may any ‘human’ error, I spend days thinking how horrible I am. My job isn’t the type of place where you get positive comments, rather the opposite if anyone notices what you do at all. I have finished the week feeling desperate, almost suicidal. (detail removed by Moderator) I feel that i have no one to turn to. I have had counselling from local GP and Rape Crises butt they finished a while ago and I feel really bad again. My doctor has said that she doesn’t think I am depressed but just have an awful lot to deal with especially as the police case is still ongoing and I cannot get closure. I feel ugly and unlike-able. And at the same time, so lonely. Where can I get immediate help?

Sorry to go on x

[Nova]

Hi
I think everyone should listen to this interview with a psychologist
https://youtu.be/Z-Vv0qpK_mE a real insight to manipulative behaviour & how they know exactly what they’re doing they just choose caring people, in order to accommodate themselves…I was saddened but more I’m positive knowing more!

Good luck x

[Serenity]

Hi Katie Love,

I’ve hit a similar wall to you recently- magnifying my own faults and, what this really is I suppose, my self-esteem dipping big time.

I also suddenly began to feel inte Sewell-hatred.

It’s interesting that you say that your counselling has finished. Mine has, too. I think that we can be so brave for so long, and try to live a normal life, shoving down our true pain in the every day, trying to be courageous- but if there is no outlet for those feelings, they build up and take us over.

Yesterday, I went to see a friend of mine who I met on the Freedom course, and another Mum rom the old support group came too. We had an hour of chatting, and that really helped. We could all off load, and talk about our situation, and know we were understood.

(detail removed by Moderator) isn’t along time, and I wonder if you still need some kind of support mechanism in your life? Can you return to some type of counselling, or attend some support group? Can you call your local dv outreach, or Women’s Aid, and find out details?

Whatever you do, don’t suffer alone. You need to find a way of building up your strength and letting all the negative feelings out. Your mind and. Key are telling you that you need more support. You will be ok- if please ask for this extra help.

You aren’t ugly or worthless- youarea. Aka I got and brave lady, and you can overcome this horrible stage.
x

[Serenity]

Typo- I mean intense self-hatred.

Your mind and body are telling you.

You are a strong and brave lady

PS It sounds like you are exhausted and that you aren’t receiving enough acknowledgement and care in your daily life- having a thankless job, etc.

Counteract this by engaging in extreme self care now- get the counselling you need, do something to pamper yourself, etc. Give yourself what is missing from elsewhere x*x

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi Katielove, I agree with Serenity that it is still early days. I think you may be expecting too much of yourself too soon. I had WA counselling quite soon after leaving and while police and social services involvement, court etc was still ongoing. It was a good support but I wasn’t in a place where I could do much healing. This year I started with a new counsellor via rape crisis and I have made so much more progress. I think this is a combination of the right time, feeling safer and it being the right fit for me with the counsellor. I feel empowered this time and not dependant on her. I have faced such frightening things with her but never been scared of going to see her. Mine ends soon and of course I’m a little apprehensive. I’m sure there’ll be times when I’ll wish I had her to turn to, but she’s given me tools to help myself. Hang on in there and seek more counselling when you feel safe and ready to do so. We have to face so much stress for so, so long it really is hard to keep going at times. Self-care and as much sleep as possible are crucial. Things will improve with time x*x

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Katielove, i’m sorry that you feel so awful. If its any consolation I feel the same at the moment. I try to remind myself that over the past months my emotions have been massively up & down. I have had some great, free and happy days. Even some days when I didn’t think about him at all. Maybe it is just the nature of life, you have good and bad days with your mind and memory processing upsetting things as you go along. XXXX

[katielove]

Thanks so much for your replies. I think you are right and that I need to access more help and stop beating myself up. I was lucky today as a close friend who understands listened, just listened, to me for ages.
I wish I had some idea when the police might make a decision. The process is so long I find I can’t move on.
t
Thanks again x*x

[Author]

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