6th July 2016 at 7:24 am #21031
Sometimes I feel lonely, sad, empty and that I miss my ex who was mainly useless for me. Rather than going online and just getting anybody to fill a gap, I want to hold out for someone who treats me well. I want someone who arrives on time, looks into my eyes, cuddles me when i’m sad, buys me a gift on my birthday, is open and honest, communicates clearly, is enthusiatic, wants to spend time with me, takes his share of making arrangements for us, welcomes me into his family, loves and cares for me. This is all normal, decent behaviour in a healthy relationship and I imagine would not mess with your mental health or peace of mind.
My ex took my money, delved into my mind to get my vulnerabilities, lied to me, ignored me, confused me, blamed me, played mind games, shook my self esteem, never took me out, used me for a lifestyle, played me against other women and almost got me sectioned. I’m going to hold out for the read thing, i would rather stay single than have anything less now.
6th July 2016 at 9:45 am #21043AnonymousInactive
Good on you HA, never be willing to compromise those things. Sometimes it is good to be alone for a while x
6th July 2016 at 10:11 am #21048AnonymousInactive
You only deserve the best and I am so proud of you that you only want the best for yourself
Good things come to those who wait, and deserve it:)
6th July 2016 at 2:24 pm #21077SaharaDParticipant
I’m not so sure such a man exist. So I’m prepared to be alone until I die.
Often in the beginning of the relationship, men will appear to be all those things and once you are enthralled to them start treating you like s**t.
One of my best friends told me yesterday that she seperated from her husband. 5 years 3 young kids. Moved to another country.
It’s happened to so many of my friends….I’m no longer convinced of a flawless man.
I’d rather be bitter and cynical about men and enjoy the rest of my life than have the rest of my live ruined by a man.
6th July 2016 at 2:30 pm #21078
I don’t mind if they are not flawless,nobody is flawless. But it’s the basic everyday decency, the normal conduct I want. Honest, open, reliable, trustworthy, kind would be great. Any hint of any form of abuse is so far from this persons reality,a simply nice person that I am also physically attracted to.
6th July 2016 at 3:12 pm #21081SaharaDParticipant
I know men who are decent but unromantic. They won’t cuddle and look into your eyes and they are unenthusiastic.
6th July 2016 at 3:39 pm #21082
It is really difficult, I met men before who ticked all the boxes but I just didn’t fancy them, my ex who was edgy & a challenge to me seemed to be perfect, not too soft which is not what I like, a pushover, he turned out to be abusive.
6th July 2016 at 10:07 pm #21120AyannaParticipant
I never want a man in my life ever again. I abhore them. All what I ever experienced from men was abuse.
6th July 2016 at 10:19 pm #21123
I have only ever had a couple of decent, nice men. The ones who meant anything to me were abusive, but then again I think it might have been the abuse which made them appear desireable, the abuse and mind games, risk etc, adds an element of excitement. I’m not explaining it very well, i would never have stayed with an abusive man and finished with all of them, but there was something about it that maybe I was led to believe was attractive, i’m rambling but I know what i’m trying to say its just not coming out very clearly.
21st July 2016 at 11:41 am #22553Doglover99Participant
“Honest, open, reliable, trustworthy, kind” – those are exactly the qualities I would like in a man if I ever meet anyone.
It’s been a few months now since I’ve been out and in the beginning I was totally against wanting to meet anyone. Now, some time has passed, I am happy and peaceful, and I am starting to think that maybe I might one day want someone again. I won’t go looking for anyone, if I meet someone that is right, great. If not, then I’m happy on my own too. Last time I was single, years ago, I was desperate to fill the gap and to find my happy ever after and went on endless dates through a dating website. Then I met my abuser and, well, you all know how that ended. This time, I have learned to be by myself and am quite happy that way. I’ve made lots of new friends, have my own social life again, I’m doing some worthwhile things in my spare time and I am happy. Through counselling, I have learned to like myself again, to be confident and to be more assertive. If I meet someone, I hope I can spot the signs of a possible abuser and will be able to walk away. But, on the other hand, it is quite exciting to think that maybe, one day, when the time is right, I just might meet someone who is kind and will treat me with respect.
Even after everything, I remain a romantic and I believe that if I am meant to meet someone new, then one day I will. In the meantime, I live my life when way I want without anyone else dictating what I should or shouldn’t do. Life is great after abuse, it really is. All I see is opportunity ahead.
21st July 2016 at 12:07 pm #22555SuntreeParticipant
I found a man who is honest, reliable, trustworthy, kind, loves me and the kids, patient and caring.
I don’t fancy him in the way I thought you had to fancy someone as in all honesty he isn’t “my type” thank goodness. He would have been before the person I would be friends with and thought he would make someone else a fantastic partner.
I took a leap of faith with him as he was someone I wanted to listen to, be around and learn more about. We have and are still taking it slowly. We have lots in common which brought us together in the first place.
We acknowledge we have different styles of communicating and when things get hard we do have differences. We have been and still are taking things slowly.
We make room for each other and other important people and things in our lives.
He has made sure that I am stronger than I was when we met and if he should not be there I know our family will still be strong and have flourished because he was in our lives, if that makes sense.
We both come with baggage and we both aren’t an open book.
We are a couple and family in training and so far the positives outweigh any bumps by a very long way.
All because I did therapy and the Freedom Program, started working on not being grateful for any good attention I had. Found hobbies and fitness for myself and had a few good friends. I was always open to seeing someone but thought it would be someone with benefits and at an arms length and was happy to be single from then to the day I die. Because I was happier than I had been in my abusive relationship and I was getting to know myself and enjoying getting to know me 🙂
He is the icing on my cake. Don’t need the icing but very nice to have and now would prefer not to be without said icing 🙂
21st July 2016 at 2:48 pm #22572SerenityParticipant
I am in no hurry. It will be a while before I feel (physically)completely well and strong, and to be honest I feel like being a bit more selfish for the first time in my life.
I can imagine that if I do meet anyone else, he will need to be hugely different from my ex.
I think physical attraction is complex. It is made up of many things.
20th August 2016 at 9:30 pm #25574
Something one of the other ladies has just wrote made me think my ex was being unfaithful to me when we were together. This hurts. Aside from all of the horrible emotional abuse he did, to do this on top is just disgusting. I am pleased to be rid of him. I dont want a man who will treat me so awfully. I want someone who loves, cares for and respects me and will settle for no less again.
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