Hope? Or am I kidding myself

[Spacedout]

I’ve spent hours on the phone today to a lovely lady that has gotten me a place in a refuge and said they will be calling me in the morning to give me the address and to make sure I have a bag packed and ready to go.

I have these racing thoughts, I’m anxious and doubting all of this. Can I leave just like that, just go.. I so desperately want to, its just all so sudden, I don’t know why I’m questioning leaving!!! Iknow my life could be so beautiful. Why am I doubting myself. The help and accommodation is right in front of me and I’m still scared. I feel so lost and alone. I want to make that leap but there’s this tiny thing pulling me back. Why am I questioning this at all, w*f is wrong with me

[KIP.]

Years of brainwashing and control. It’s the indecision that’s causing the anxiety. Just tell your brain that you will just go for a look. Trick your brain if you have to, tell it it’s a temporary separation and you can go back but once you get there and feel safe, your mind will be made up. As human beings we crave what is normal to us, even if that normal is abuse.

[Mellow]

You have a right to question it I’ve been offered a few times but I won’t .I won’t leave my home with my children for a refuge also I’d have to leave one behind it would not be practical but I hope things work for you I’ve heard positive and negatives people being stuck for months I would not like that cause I know my kids are safe.I’m still bonded so I can’t go /won’t go

[KindnessIsntAWeakness]

Hi @SpacedOut.

Feeling how you’re feeling is totally normal. I think everyone of us has felt guilty for seeking safety and wanting to come away from the abusive situation.

When I called the police on my partner I felt such immediate guilt that I called them back to try and cancel them coming round. Our gut knows we’ve done the right thing and yet we feel so awful and ashamed and guilty and horrible for it.

It’s annoying but true that time will help with the healing process. You’ve done an amazing thing in reaching out for help and refuge in the first place. Take things one step at a time (even day-by-day seemed too much for me, so I did hour-by-hour) and eventually your heart will catch up with your gut instincts 💜

Please know there is nothing wrong with you. It’s always the abuser, even though we always blame ourselves. Wishing you luck and happiness – you can do it! x

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