Hopefully giving others hope

[Anonymous]

When I fist joined this forum it was when I first left. I wasn’t on here much as I had just left and had a lot to deal with .
I left a (detail removed by Moderator) yr relationship .And went into refuge.it was the hardest time of my life, up until that point I had never contemplated leaving.we had 2 daughters between us and because of my own childhood growing up in foster care I vowed my children would always have both parents. So I stuck at it.little did I realise at the time that that I was not giving my children the stability they needed .I believed they knew nothing of the abuse because it was always when they weren’t around or so I believed.
It was only from listening to refuge staff and seeing behaviors of other children in refuge I realized I hadn’t protected my children as I had thought I had.
They hear and they see.they pick up on body language.i thought if I got them thru high school I’d done a good job.
I didn’t manage to get them thru high school anyway. I don’t remember much of the early days of when I left.
I left and from what I’ve been told I walked for hours in the middle of the night.i have no recollection of were I was going .somehow I ended up at my sister’s house and she contacted womens aid and I ended up in refuge.
The reason I am writing this post is since starting this journey I always said I would come back when I felt strong enough and offer those going through the same hope.
Hope that it does get better.hope tbat no matter how many times you try and leave or think you can’t you can .wether it takes one time or 20 it is possible. I lived the early days in despair, drugged up on different medications. I’m still working thru this mess.still have issues with my children , still have bad days , but my bad days aren’t as bad as the days I had living with my abuser.
Plz no it is possible to break free .take care all

[nbumblebee]

Stories like these really do give hope.
Thank you for sharing x*x

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thank you for sharing your experience, and I’m so happy you’re free and life has snd us improving for you, I also have needed to read this.

I have spoken with my mum tonight my dad is abusive, I left home because of this many years ago. My mum said she wished she had too. I don’t want to be full of regret trapped with an abusive mAn reliant on him for any support or care in my old age. So thinking ahead and taking in everything I can to make sure I don’t.

Knowing there is Hope certainly helps x

[nbumblebee]

A brave step CB well done you. Xxxx

[Anonymous]

Thank you .there’s always hope.your time will come when you yourself are ready.

[Dumplin]

Thank you so much for your post. I really needed this today. I left at Christmas after almost (detail removed by moderator) years and it is so hard on everyone my children included, this causes me to question multiple times a day if I am doing the right thing.

I am now staying with family in a completely different area and now I have to start from scratch, kids schooling, finding a place to live, work it’s so much to sort out and my hubby is saying “come home, I can make it all right again”.

I’m saying no over and over again but I know once he realises I’m actually not going back he will get angry and that will take us into a whole new phase.

Thanks again for your post, I am just visualising a time when we are all settled in our new home, free and healthy. It will take time but we will get there.

[tiredofitall]

Its so reassuring to know we can do it. When I first started posting on here, I was desperate and just needed somewhere safe I could vent. Little did I know that I would find people who knew exactly how I felt and didn’t judge me for staying or try to make me leave. I wasn’t ready then. But I did build up the confidence in knowing that they way I was being treated was not right and that gave men strength to know that I was doing the right thing, when I eventually did decide enough was enough. It was the hardest (detail removed by Moderator) months of my life, holding fast to the decision and being the one pushing forward with house sale and divorce but we have been in our new home for almost (detail removed by Moderator) months now and it was worth all of that stress. There was/is a lot of work rebuilding everything from scratch but the children are so much happier and free to be themselves in a way that they never were when he lived with us. I thought that it would be my life forever and that I needed to learn how to accept him and then things would be better, but I was wrong. Being free of him is the best decision I ever made.

[Anonymous]

The upheaval and having to start again is really hard and makes us question werher it’s worth it, the way I tried to look at it was I’d rather build myself back up than fear my own life. Fear I said or did the wrong thing at any point in time.
I look forward to waking up now, I no I can do anything I set my mind too.
I am not saying it’s easy, it’s far from that.but staying I truly believe I’d be dead by now.And that’s what makes all the hard times worth it.

[Galabeee]

Thank you from here too, am really needing hope to stick with it all at the moment .
g x

[minimeerkat]

oh i hope you can stay strong galabeee. its a bit like being lost without at compass initially. not quite knowing who you are now that you away from all the toxicity
it is going to be very strange, very different after youve been so many years being someone else & behaving a certain way with an abusive partner. try if you can to use this as an opportunity to get to know who you & you alone really are
i dont know if you agree with determinedtobehappy – i know i do, when she says her bad days arent as bad as the days she had living with her abuser x

[Galabeee]

Thank you @minimeerkat that’s definitely how it feels lost without a compass and not being sure who I am , and not being sure who I am not in relation to him and his moods and wanting to try and appease. I do agree with you both that the bad days are nowhere near as bad – they are hard in a different way sure, but not bad in the same way!
g x

[Anonymous]

Take one day at a time.you can do also and can live the life u choose too.believe in you

[Anonymous]

Sending my support to you, please believe you are strong.we are stronger than we realize or feel

[Door mouse]

Thank-you I hope that I will be able to right something like that one day

[Anonymous]

That’s what I used to say .never believed I could .but I am and in time u will also .sending lots of support to you

[Anonymous]

I had never felt so lost in my life.at times I didn’t no if I was coming or going .I wouldn’t even listen to the staff at refuge as to how bad my situation had become. I think looking bk that’s something we have to realise for ourselves. Only when we realise can we move forward and do something about our situations. I blamed myself continuesly, I believed I had put myself in a marriage that I consented to anything. But that was how I was brought up.and only now do I no that not to be the truth .
I also believe I looked for an excuse not to change anything. Because change meant accepting the truth , the truth meant I hadn’t done what I should of done .and realisticly my truth was getting rid of him. I have to finish right now .this is something I still can’t admit .or say out loud .I will be bk and spk my truth.

[Author]

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