- This topic has 11 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 6 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Today I am swapping bedrooms with my teenage son in the hope it may help me to settle at night. Many discards have happened in this house and night times and mornings are especially hard so am hopeful a new place to lay my head will feel like a mini fresh start
-
Great idea. I was told by my therapist to put my stamp on the new room. Get some different bedding, curtains, ornaments, pictures. It doesn’t have to be expensive just new to you and your taste. Changing the furniture round. Painting th rooms a different colour. Put your new stamp on it. Good luck x
-
Well we did it, it took all day and it was emotionally very hard but it’s done.
Sleeping in a different room was very surreal and now seeing my old room full of my sons teenage stuff is even more surreal. The bedroom has lots of memories (for obvious reasons) both good and bad and it actually feels like he’s died now. I have broken down a few times when I’ve glanced in the bedrooms as it all feels so final but it was something I had to do, laying in that ‘space’ night after night definitely wasn’t helping me.
Just wanted to write down how I feel as I honestly feel everyone in real life thinks I’m being dramatic and over reacting. I feel like a burden unless I’m on here:/ -
Try to be kind to yourself. We can be our own worst critic. Well done for making the change. It’s going to take time to adjust. I once read that getting rid of an abuser is like they have died. We get no chance to say our goodbyes, and no chance for closure. I felt a little paranoid in the beginning like I was a burden to people. I don’t think looking back that was a fair assessment, I just think I felt overly needy and very alone but that all changes in time. Just keep moving forwards. Sometimes it’s two steps forwards and one back but you will get there in the end.
-
Just checking in for a little reassurance again, it’s so hard that no one understands – everyone’s bored of me now, it’s been a month and no one asks how I am and I suppose just assume I’m fine and have gotten used to being on my own. I actually feel worse not better, like I’ve gone backwards and sleeping elsewhere has made me feel worse too, I really hoped it would help but it really hasn’t 🙁
I just want my life back, want to feel normal and not wake up feeling sick, spend all day in a trance thinking about him, come home from work to nothing and go to bed lonely.
Sorry – am just venting – this weeks been very hard -
I think you are brave and strong. I have not had the courage to leave and im ashamed to say that after everthing he has put me through i still miss him when hes not here…even though i hate it when he is here. Then i feel angry at myself for feeling like that.
I cant see how those thoughts and feelings would just switch off. Your not a robot so allow yourself to feel and dont beat yourself up about it.
Is there a class or hobby that youve always wanted to do? Could that help fill the void?
I really really hope you feel better soon. X -
Hi imissme, recovery is a rollercoaster and it’s going to take time. I remember the first few months were dreadful. It’s good to talk so try and find some counselling. I also found it helped to have positive mantras. “I can choose how I feel and today I will feel positive” “I am a strong woman and I will get through this”. Have a look on pininterest. Limit the things you give yourself to do. I did 3 necessary things per day. Anything unnecessary can wait. Don’t overload yourself with chores. Read about mindfulness. There a free mindfulness app that has little exercises to ground you. You can download to your phone. I wish I could fast forward the first six months for you but the pain is all part of the healing process. Keep posting and get your thoughts out here. Take baby steps x
-
I didn’t leave him ‘lost’, he left me, he’s discarded me (detail removed by moderator) times and each time I’ve become ill and just wanted him to come back 🙁 I don’t think I would ever have left him, I’m not strong enough
-
KIP, thank you for your replies, you sound like an amazing person and I need some amazing around me xx
-
I spent a lot of time in the early stages after leaving my abuser colouring in. It took enough concentration that I didn’t think about other things, but not so much that I was overwhelmed. In the early stages there are only really two things you have to do. Look after yourself and make sure you don’t end up going back. I suggest going no contact if you haven’t already – block him on everything! And if he has a key to your place then get the locks changed. If that is done then just focus on you. Do nice things if you can manage them – I went for small walks and bought myself flowers which I could pick up cheap at the end of the day in my local supermarket. Eat food which you like. Take a bath. Anything that makes you feel good. You can do this.
-
Your still strong because your still here! Im so cconfused myself at the moment but wgenever i tthink im going to let him back in my head i read over my diaries. I write down the things he has done and said and i think to myself is this the action of someone who loves you?
Im in no position to give advice. My lifes a mess. But i do know what its like to stll want to be with some one who emotionally tortures you every day.
I hope things get better for you. You still get up for work and look after your family. These are wins. If your like me how many days have you wanted to just go back to bed and let the world pass you by? These days are wins because you do it anyway. You get up you carry on. This is strength. -
Hi lost. The being able to get up and go to work is really hard. The days i dont have to, i can spend all day sleeping on the couch, only stirring in time for when he’s due in.
Well done Anonymous for being able to do that. The hardest part is missing them, but rereading diaries helps a lot. I dont have much contact with my children as he hurt them so much emotionally and physically. I cant face hearing how he hurt them and i wasnt there to protect them, or when there just freezing when he rid. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for THAT. It eats away at me most days. Also i dont want to bring things up in case it tips them over the edge, they are both very fragile.
Its hard to be kind to ourselves, we are nurturers and everyone else gets taken care of instead of us. I actually ate breakfast today and had a coffee. Might be all i eat today, but i didnt feel sick, which is a big improvement. Yes its 2steps forward sometimes 6 back, but see the good days when they happen. Im having a good day,still in my pjs but was watching some Outlander on youtube,looking forward to November when it restarts and not feeling anxious. Will even do a bit of tidying, that’s how good i feel today. And i have a smile on my face, dont know why i just do🙂🙂
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
