3rd April 2021 at 7:20 pm #124238NeueranfangParticipant
I haven’t been with my abusive Ex for (detail removed by Moderator) now.He has been seeing our kids on (detail removed by Moderator) and I arrange this with his mother (I had to block him on everything) and I drop the kids to her and collect them from her or she will drop them back.However it isn’t that straight forward as (detail removed by Moderator) my Ex has been sending me (detail removed by Moderator) abusive emails during the time he is meant to spend with the kids. (detail removed by Moderator) I obviously answered that they won’t be staying with him and that he can’t just make these last minute demands.This is so stressful.He hasn’t accepted the break up and now he is using the kids.He lost all control and power over me as I have been so strong and haven’t had any direct contact and now he is trying to show he has got power by demanding they are staying with him.I just can’t take much more of this.It is never ending x
3rd April 2021 at 10:05 pm #124244CamelParticipant
(detail removed by Moderator) Actually putting his abuse in writing for you! I expect he found the lack of direct contact hugely frustrating, especially as his mother refuses to act as the middleman. This frustration has got the better of him, it seems.
Do you have a formal arrangement in place?
3rd April 2021 at 10:08 pm #124245EggshellsParticipant
Hi Neuranfang, Have you arranged access legally? I’ll be honest, I don’t know anything about access but it sounds like you need to bring in the big guns in this.
Try to stay strong. You have pushed him away and being the weak man that he is, he’s using the kids to push back. You are stronger than him, you always have been. You can get through this. Hopefully, those in the know will be along soon.
Sorry to be so useless. I just wanted to lend some support and bump your post back up to the top. xx
7th April 2021 at 2:06 pm #124453Living WarriorParticipant
Oh my lovely! i feel your pain!
i had a similar situation. he would have contact with my children and use that drop of and collect time to carry on abuse. he would call and message me while he had the children to harrass me more. i kept EVERYTHING. evry text, call and even recorded his calls. kept screen shots of everyting and eventually got a solicitor through my local womens aid, legal aid service. (detail removed by moderator) i stopped contact due to the continued abuse and the kids seeing it. every step of the way its been hard. but he messes up at every point. CAFCASS got involved and listened to his side then my side then the kids… and agreed he had to do a few things to show his commitment to the childrens welfare before any form of contact takes place.
he hasnt done these, states he isnt to blame, states its my fault!
i have non molestation order, restraining order, and prohibited steps orders in place. stating all contact to go through solicitors or cafcass. his family can ask me about the kids too as long as its not in a nasty manner. he has had many opportunities to do this… but as he isnt allowed contact with ME! he isnt interested- (detail removed by moderator)
he states im the abuser. (with no evidence)
my advice is keep everything, it shows a pattern, if i hadnt kept proof they may have believed him.
keep strong and i hope that helps.
7th April 2021 at 6:15 pm #124474NeueranfangParticipant
Thanks for your replies xx
Unfortunately I haven’t got any orders in place yet as I was hoping to be able to arrange child contact through his mum but (detail removed by moderator) his mum and his sister told me they can’t be the ‘third party’ anymore as it is not working.I’m so upset.I was very close to his family and in their lives (detail removed by moderator) .Now I’m just forgotten about and no one wants to listen to me or help me as it is too stressful.I left him because he controlled every aspect of my life and because he emotionally and physically abused me for (detail removed by moderator) and they know that but still I’m the one who gets cut off.My family are all abroad and thanks to him I haven’t got any friends.The only people I was allowed to have contact with was his family but no one wants to know me now when HE is the abuser.It is so unfair.I was meant to look after his (detail removed by moderator) but he send me an email now telling me to stay away from his family and that he will put a stop to me looking after his (detail removed by moderator) .I’m saying his (detail removed by moderator) but I was there when she was born and watched her grow up and I took her out with us over the last few years.It is like I never existed.His family advised me not to have any contact at all…not even through them.For me that means they are not bothered having my kids/their grandchildren/nephews in their lives either xx
7th April 2021 at 6:57 pm #124477[email protected]Participant
You really need to go through the courts then I’d say. Have an independent neutral hand over at a contact centre that way you won’t be dealing with him xx if they were half descent they wouldn’t cut u off it’s punishing isn’t it. There is away forward hun. I had to do this too it’s a very long storey xx make the arrangements formally going forward otherwise he will keep abusing
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