16th January 2016 at 1:19 pm #7838myfairyqueenParticipant
Hi everyone, I am now out of an abusive relationship. He has 2 things left to control me with – the house which we jointly own and my bank accounts.
I have only recently left and have no where to live at the moment so I used our address to open a bank account in my own name. He reported me for fraud and had the account blocked even though it is in my name. Now he has closed down our joint account with only his say so (apparently this is ok to do). I have taken out a new phone contract and used my new bank account but because they already had my deal, they set it up wrong and the direct debit came out of the joint account and he hit the roof. He has managed to get information from the phone company which breaches data protection.
I said I would let him live in the house if he paid the mortgage while I work out what to do as he has children who come over to stay regularly so I wanted to be fair and keep the stability for them as I have a good relationship with them. He has tried to get the mortgage into his name only but they say he can’t afford it. I don’t really know what to do next apart from see a solicitor.
Any advice on how to stop all of this would be helpful……. I feel like he is tracking my every move and trying to stop me from doing anything.
16th January 2016 at 1:46 pm #7840foggyhereParticipant
Blimey he sounds like a delight. Well done for leaving him. Yes, you should see a solicitor. See a few – most offer a free introductory session. It’s amazing how much easier it is to get through this outrageous behaviour from a controlling ex if you have a solicitor who understands your situation.
16th January 2016 at 2:12 pm #7841Falling SkysParticipant
Hi and welcome xx
The best way forward is through a solicitor. You will then know your rights. Everyone situation is different.
I would also say if you haven’t done so already contact woman aid, they are a great support and can point you in the right direction.
Good luck, keep posting the ladies here are a mine of information, keep safe at the time of the split they can volatile and stay strong xx
16th January 2016 at 2:36 pm #7843myfairyqueenParticipant
Thanks 🙂 I finally spoke to a local domestic abuse advice line this week and it was so good to speak to someone who actually seemed to know how I was feeling and what I was going through. I find the lack of understanding from the banks incredible. How they can let someone walk in and say all those things then cause no end of problems for me is amazing! All I want to do is start rebuilding my life.
16th January 2016 at 3:01 pm #7844Falling SkysParticipant
It’s hard for anyone that hasn’t been in an abusive relationship to understand. The way they behave is illogical in a normal relationship. My friends have gone from disbelief to horror at what he done/does. When they say why I say because to him I’m a nothing, so have no rights.
I don’t know much about benefits, but you use to be able to get a crisis loan from the benefits office, not use if this can help you through this time.
16th January 2016 at 10:56 pm #7859DaisyParticipant
Hello my fairy queen,
These abusers never cease to amaze,
You agree to him remaining in your joint home,so not change for him, and he then treats you like this,
And how can it be fraud, when it is still your joint home, main address as no other and your money,
I woukd speak to the complaints team at the bank and re phone and if no joy there I would go to a solicitor,
I fear he will be true to typical abusers form and put you through the wringer financially now, over the joint home, dragging it out and keeping you tied up there and unable to move on so I feel getting a solicitor on board as soon as you can is the best advice I can come up with, and not being as nice as you have been to someone who doesn’t appreciate it, deserve it all reciprocate any such reasonableness, time to get tougher and don’t let him emotionally blackmail you over his children having somewhere to comfortably see him either, if this becomes in jeopardy he has played a very big part there
X x x
17th January 2016 at 12:52 am #7868Twisted SisterParticipant
hello myfairyqueen and i’m sorry to hear your experience, but very pleased to hear you have made the break from it – but in doing so made yourself homeless 🙁 I know its possible to get occupation orders for exactly this reason, but i really don’t know how easy or how realistic (because court /outcomes all dependent upon day and judge, court, area and your own evidence/support).
His children do not have to come to your home, they can be out to meet, and presumably can stay in their own home while he visits, or that of another relative/friend of his or theirs, he does not have to occupy your house for that reason and i’m not sure whether you might be risking your claim to the property by not paying the mortgage any more? that would put you into arrears, as you say he cannot afford to takeit on himself (do you mean to realise the equity in it to pay to you? or just the mortgage as it is?), do not trust him, he may be busily losing the house for you both. I would speak to the building society yourself. make an appt with a manager and take your payments with you and explain how you have become homeless and that he can’t afford to buy you out and that you have concerns over him managing the payments as you cannot trust him, and you really can’t. Can you take it on yourself and buy him out?
CAB have drop-in clinics to get some advice, and you can often get a free session with a solicitor for such circumstances, but also many solicitors will give you this anyway.
I really hope you can have some answers very soon and settle some of the concerns quickly. warmest wishes KS x
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