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here is a poem, i made from my experiences including going to the power to change group at my local womens aid.
i hope this can help you all find the strength you need for the day, things DO get easier, things DO get better, and eventually we will all have the strength to start over. It took me YEARS! before i was even willing to accept it was a DV relationship, but one day the penny drops. and THAT day is the day things change for the better!
good luck my beauties!
i hope you can find some comfort, inspiration, acknowledgement or what ever it is you are needing right now, in this poem.How a Queen reclaims her crown.
A poem of abuse and how women’s aid gave me strength.As I sit in this room listening to women share their fears,
telling their stories with many shed tears.
I sit in silence reflecting with tears of my own,
About the times I too have suffered alone,
I spent days and nights crying, felt sadness and pain,
Still till this day I feel so ashamed.
I recall times I suffered in silence from abuse,
The times I prayed to god, for a way to cut loose!
The times I was brave and clearly said “No!”
But still you made it so I could not go.You told me that you would change, things would get better.
The only thing that changed was the tissues got wetter.
You told me that one day things will fall into place,
that the reason your angry was because my loyalties displaced.
That because I have friends, I am not loyal to you,
You almost convinced me that this was true.
You said my friends were liars and just using me,
That they were only my friends because of their pity!
This in fact was rubbish, and you knew it was untrue,
The bare faced truth was, they were warning me of you!My friends were all single mums, who’s relationships had died.
But this was not why they did not want us to be tied.
They saw the hurt, the fear and pain in my eyes,
They saw day after day how a piece of me dies.
They saw the happiness turn to hurting and sorrow,
they saw how my bubbly-self became very hollow.
They gave me incentives to leave you, there and then,
I said, “thing will get better” they then asked “when?”
I said it was a bad patch that it wouldn’t last,
They told me, “call someone, sort it out fast”.We had our two children, my friends had kids too,
Yet, you did not like us going out without you.
The arguments would start, and then I would cry.
Eventually, my friends, got so tired. They all said “goodbye!”
I was left without friends, and my family, miles away,
I thought I had no other choice, than to stay.Now sitting here in group, I see this was your plan all along.
To make me feel low and like I am always wrong.
You want me feeling weak, crying in our bed.
You would lay next to me, “It’s us against the world” you said.
You worked long hours, you would eat, shower, then snore.
If the kids would wake you it would anger you more.
You would shout and start throwing stuff at the wall,
The crashing and banging were deafening to all,
I distracted the children and sent them upstairs.
But when I returned, you would rip out my hair.
You would tell me, I am worthless and that you deserve better,
That another woman would care for you if only you would let her.
You would say that you’re only here out of pity,
After all, who else would love me, I “wasn’t that pretty”.
You would tell me I’m fat, that I don’t do enough,
That I’m lazy and worthless and you would be very rough.
You took away my dignity, you took away my pride.
With every word you spoke and every tear that I cried.
Today listening here, I know women have a choice,
And we do not deserve to feel like we don’t have a voice.I told you that I am special, and I deserve your respect,
That right now I feel as if our relationship is wrecked.
You do not listen or even care what I say,
And you waste money like water when we have bills to pay.
Not once have I hurt you, or made you feel small.
I try to help you and I give you my all.
I care for our children, with no help from you.
I am tired, from all the work that I do.
The children, the cleaning, the washing up too.
I cook and I take good care of all of you.But still you continue to hurt me with words and your threats,
And I wake every night with nightmares and cold sweats.You lie through your teeth when people ask “why?”
Why am I upset? Why do I cry?
while in this group of women I feel safe from your powers,
I find a new lease of life, and it feels like April showers.
Refreshing and reviving, like I am born anew,
But what happened before, I can never undo.But I try to let go of the grief and the shame,
Try every day to give these feelings a name.
I am scared for my future, fearful of my life,
You have told me before if I leave ul cause strife!
You say you don’t care about me; the children are who matter,
But you have never even read one single school letter.
Not one appointment or play did you embrace,
No doctors, nor teachers’ appointments have you ever shown your face.When I think of all the times, I gave you another chance,
Just for your bad attitude and anger to enhance.
Now I am done, I’m drawing a line in the sand,
Never again will I feel the pain of your hand.This time I will leave, and I will not return,
Because this time I have changed, I have grown, and I’ve learned.
I’ve learned you will say things, that you never really mean,
Just so I stay with you, and you have what you dream.You dream of a woman, a mute and a slave,
You dream of children to carry on your name.
A family to whom will not ask questions, just do as you say,
You just don’t want to be alone day after day.So today I will think and make a new plan,
One which is detailed and will leave you a lonely man.
A plan to protect me, and our children from you,
And to stop this abuse that we keep going through.Today I stand up for my myself and stand for respect,
And for the poor women that you have not yet met!
These women I speak of, are the ones who I pity,
Because sooner or later, things will get gritty.
You will do to them, what you once did to me,
And here they will come, to reflect and drink tea.
This group will be their saviour, as it was mine
And all over again you will be caught in your lies.So, you play your games, while you still can.
Things are already better, than when you were my man.
Very soon, we will not remember the abuse that you caused,
We will not jump at the sound of a knock at the door.You will not haunt us like a ghost in the night,
And we will be happy, we will be alright.
So…to all the women who live in fear,
Stand up and wipe away your tears.
We can all fight to lower the threat.
We can live our futures with no regret.
we can teach others our newfound ways,
we can celebrate successes in our following days.
We can show them we do not back down,
We can show them how a QUEEN RECLAIMS HER CROWN! -
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Thank you for your lovely comments, it means alot that it registers with others.
I was like many who thinks an abusive relationship is mainly physical. I was unaware that it usually starts with the emotional and psychological side first. I thought that every couple argues and bickers- again i was unaware that if someone actually gives a toss, that there would be discussion, compromises and each person would feel valued and heard.
I just want all women young and old, to be able to recognise the signs and be able to have the courage to stand up for themselves and leave.
These men, these perpetrators, only think of themselves, they think that their needs are greater than anyone’s.If this poem reaches one women or girl, who is unsure, who is wondering, and they read it and can relate, and they chose from that, to get out and get help. Or if one women reads it and can relate and it helps them feel less alone (like we all do)…
Then it was worth the time and effort and pain i felt when i wrote it.
We are all Queens, we are all warriors, we can all survive and be happy. 🙂 -
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