How am I still here so many years later?

[Rollercoaster]

Hey everyone I don’t post much but read these forums regularly for support.
Why is it always the children who suffer?
One of mine attempted suicide (removed by moderator) due to father behaviours. We are all under extreme coercive control, the children are on a cin plan with social services who are struggling also to deal with my ex.
Recently he broke the law whilst threatening me so police were going to act…but I’m still waiting….
Social services told me to get a non mol, which I tried (removed by moderator) its been adjourned.
He has finally stopped contacting us (usually sees the children once a fortnight and rings them constantly). I think he has stopped contact to punish them.
Children all appear really happy and relaxed with the stable life I’m providing but I cant help feeling so concerned for how they feel inside with the silence as it certainly scares me.
The most terrifying part is if contact is resumed at some point they will suffer far more as his anger will be through the roof and that is the issue. He cannot control himself and had to tell the children how evil all these services are and persuades the children not to trust them or their mother.

I feel I finally have services listening to me, encouraging me to do the right thing. But when it comes to it all I can see is thay still my children are the ones who suffer.

I’m talking more than a decade of the torture.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Rollercoaster

my goodness you are some woman to have come so far with such awful abuse. All respect to you for managing all this, and keeping your children too, who, as you say, are benefitting from the stable and calm home you are giving them. You’re amazing, and yes, he has made you all suffer, and I am so sad to hear of your child’s suicide attempt, thats very upsetting. You have all been through so much, but it is heartwarming indeed to hear that you have services on your side.

Did anyone tell you about the ex parte non-molestation where you can go straight to your local court and speak to the clerks about doing an emergency non-mol without his presence? The judge could see you on the day, in a recess or they may advise a time to come back, and you can fill in the form and they will pass it to a judge for consideration. You will need to be prepared to write down some of the worst incidents against you and the children, the suicide attempt too if medics have attributed it to the abuse, oryou do and can clearly link that. Its not an easy thing to do, but you sound well equipped to do it.

Sending you every strangth for your fight to be safe for all of you.

warmest wishes

ts

[maddog]

You sound amazing! You’ve provide a safe place for your children, and he’s using the children to control you.

I’m so sorry that one of your children tried to take their own life. I put my parents through that too. Having survived and getting the help and support, I no longer blame my parents. I felt in an impossible situation. Death by one’s own hand is sadly all to familiar.

If he has stopped contact, maybe it’s a good thing. He will be using the children to control you.

The radio silence may mean that he’s plotting. Please take a look at The Court Said. They have a really good online course about how abusers behave in court. Women’s Aid will also give you real life support..

There’s no package to become free and we don’t live in a world of fairytale endings.

It’s really good that you’ve got SS on side. Please reach out to the other agencies who will support your particular situation, and please keep posting!

[Rollercoaster]

Hi both thanks you so much for your replies.

I did know and requested ex parte….the very nice judge (removed by moderator). The next day we had a different judge and I don’t feel he had as good an understanding of domestic abuse.
I do have medical confirmation for reasons behind suicide and other evidence.

Sorry to hear that you went through it Maddog it saddens me so much that a child could ever choose to die. I have never heard of the Court Said I will take a look thank you.

The radio silence is frightening, whilst I recognise the longer it lasts the stronger we can all build our resilience. I know we all have this fear bubbling inside of how bad it will be when contact resumes.

I think I have been in touch with every possible agency over the years, and have recently attended various parenting courses. I am on waiting lists for a domestic violence course similar to the freedom project we have done.

I tried to get counselling, but following the assessment the counsellor was quite frank with me that I have all the right coping skills, it’s about removing the perpetrator…which is not possible!

Thanks for the support guys x

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