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i know this is the crunch question isnt it xx know that he did this because he thought in a very different way to you. he thought he owned you and he thought he had the right to abuse you and punish you if he was aggravated or angry. he thought that was ok. his thinking is that off an abuser and thats why its really hard to comprehend. we naturally assume its our fault but thats because were constantly told this by them and sonetimes tv and media does too. this is all based on ignorance and conditioning. what is true for us is they tend to attack and sap the energy off good people because deep down they wish they possessed what we have – goodness. your better than him and for the rest of your life keep telling yourself this because its true. its true for all off us on here. we are super women because we have a wealth of knowledge to protect ourselves. look what weve come through we are far more emotionally too superior to these abusers. thats my take xx much love diymum
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When I look at my life and where I am now compared to where I was I feel like I should be happy and I think I am I love my life but that doesn’t stop it from being there. Sorry I started CBT a few weeks ago and it’s made me realise that maybe I do think about it more than I thought or hoped or whatever. But I’ve moved on and still everything is just numb all the time until I allow myself to feel something but even then I don’t know what that is. Sorry rambling away here. I just know it will never go away because u cant undo what happened so what am I supposed to do. I just want to be able to feel without it being so overwhelming.
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Hey LF, youre probably numb as you’ve shut down inside to protect yourself, until you feel ready to process the difficult thoughts and emotions, like you say it can feel overwhelming. Sounds to me like you feel lost at the moment, that you still need to make sense of some of it, resolve how you feel, take a bit more growth and learning from it. Yes we can’t change the past or what happened no, but there will come a time when you feel ready to step away and stop thinking about what happened and stop feeling hurt from it all. There will be reminders now and again but these become ok, unpleasant yes but manageble, also needed, sometimes there are wobbles too hey – and we work through these until we feel ok in the world again.
You say you know it will never go away, what happened no, but how you feel will change. Sounds to me you’re not quite ready to let him go or what happened yet, so there’s still somethings to workout here, but you will eventually. It was traumatic, it takes time and a lot of personal development, but the good news is this makes you more resiliant for life doesn’t it; highly unlikely you would let anyone in now that is any less than kind and respectful ever again hey.
We can either let it continue to destroy us or use what happened for growth. I imagine you have already had a great many days when you feel I’m ok, even better than ok, but sometimes there are days when it gets to us again – these get less though don’t they but they do still occur – when the past infects the present. We come to see that was then, this is now, I’ve grown a lot since then, I know who I am and feel content being me, happy with life and my choices and when we don’t, we do something to change this temporary turmoil to bring back the balance and feel peace again.
You’ve clearly come a very long way, done a lot of hard work to get where you are already, keep going, sometimes we need to feel strong enough before we can revisit what happened with openess and honesty, step back in time, do what we need to do before being able to move forards freely – if that makes sense – perhaps you’re now ready to do this, as you feel something, some part of it is holding you back. You’re working towards feeling free of it hey and until you do you’re not quite there yet.
Fully agree with DIYMum as well, think she’s summed this up so very well – totally sits with me x
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