How can I make better choices?

[Anonymous]

How can I when my mam still has so much control of me via my child? I’m not sure how I can move forward when she’s actively holding me back

[KIP.]

Can you distance yourself as much as possible. Slowly see less and less of her and maybe have a fixed schedule when you see your child. Behind the scenes get help from women’s aid and perhaps social services. Keep a journal of her controlling behaviour. Work on getting sole custody of your child. I would recommend meditation but it never works with bullies. Try to take little steps. Break it down into one problem at a time. Get help from outside agencies but don’t let her know. It sounds like your choices are sound. She is the one with the problem. I eventually had to cut contact with family members who thought they could continue to abuse me. Get some free legal advice about access. If you have a court order she can be arrested for breaking it. Explore other ideas to see what works.

[KIP.]

I once read that we are who we surround ourselves by. Make sure you’re surrounded with caring, supportive people with your best interests at heart x

[fizzylem]

This is a very diffcult situation to navigate for sure; so yes agree with KIP, get help from WA, your support worker from the WA local charirty and surround yourself with only those who understand who can support and help, creating yourself a soft cushion, protecting your esteem and mental health.

Have you done the freedom program yet? Complete your therapy – get health professionals support. This shows you are healing and have grown – get into the position where you are ready for a review of the situation / ready to take care of your child again / can show CS this – can CS also help you with a plan for this? Ideally you need to get into a position where you have them onside, I wouldn’t speak to them about mum and whats going on here, only about what I need to do now, next and in future to get my child returned.

See and speak to mum only when it’s needed. Try not to get pulled into her crazy, practise saying nothing if she starts to personally attack you or talk about anything you do not wish to talk about. She does have power over with your child, accept this for now, she’s choosing to exploit this, choosing to make you suffer, choosing to use this power to say what she likes and do what she likes – it is wrong yes, so keep a record of these interactions, record any you can, but do not bend over backwards or let her say what she wants to you – drive the message that you won’t tolerate her behaviour when she is anything short of kind or helpful – use the power of silence here – the key is to learn to stand firm and not react from your emotions, say only what is needed and no more, not to get into it with her whatever ‘it’ she is creating. Your concern is only the arrangements for you and your child. Focus on making this time good for your child, enjoyable.

Enrol on any parenting classes you can, anything you think will help your cause and can show the court learning and development. September is coming up, courses start again at college, enrollement is soon, mad idea, if you have the time, is there anything you like the look of? Something you’d really like to learn or is there anything you can see on the list that might help your cause? Child first aid? But whether it is cause dirven or personal interest driven – either will help.

Focus your energies on what the court and CS want to see from you – put mum to one side.

You can do this SD, just keep chipping away, make ‘everything’ you do a step towards your goal, it will take some time yes, these things do when we get caught up in this system, but you will get there one day x*x

[Author]

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