How did you children react when you told them?

[dancing in the rain]

I keep trying to work out how my children will react when I tell them that their father has been abusing me and I cant put up with it any more. They are late teens/early 20s. They are aware of some silent treatment and hurtful speech but I dont thinkbthey realise the extent. They also know that he can be kind and funny and caring which makes it harder. Does anyone have any ecperience or advice please?

[KIP.]

I think being honest is the best thing but know your abuser will lie and make himself out to be a victim. The bottom line is you’re not happy and don’t want to be in this relationships anymore. I’d make plans so you don’t have to have any contact at all with your abuser before you tell your children. I was lucky my ex had bail conditions but that’s what made it a lot easier. You have every right to refuse to have any contact with your abuser. I was met with victim blaming from my son and step daughter. Even though I was the actual victim I think my son and stepdaughter found it easier to side with my ex because they were just as scared and confused as I had been. They will need to work it all out for themselves. I was raped and assaulted yet my step daughter blamed me for destroying her family after I went to the police. It’s not easy but you know the truth and when you’re away from abuse, your brain power and reasoning will return and it won’t seem so daunting and overwhelming. Abuse steals our headspace and rational thinking. The longer you’re away from contact, the quicker you will see things clearly x

[Getmylifeback]

My kids are much younger, (detail removed by moderator) and I haven’t told them much but then it’s difficult as they don’t understand why we all had to leave overnight.
I’m hoping fur the day I can explain more although I don’t think my son will believe it.

He says I was only thinking of myself when I split his family up 😭

[KIP.]

Hey getmylifeback, everything you do is for his benefit whether he understands or accepts it. I was accused of destroying our family by my stepdaughter. I think they need someone to blame and are often scared by the abuser so that makes us an easy target. You simply couldn’t take any more abusive behaviour and you shouldn’t be afraid to tell him that. He has to know that it’s unacceptable and nobody has to accept that kind of treatment x

[Author]

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