18th January 2016 at 8:13 pm #7962tobehappyParticipant
It seems clear to me that my ex has outgoings and financial commitments that are at least double his declared earnings. I am quite money wise and it is obvious from what he says that he is working more than his business accounts suggest.
I bet loads of you have experienced similar during divorce. I wondered how you figured it out? What were the signs? How can you prove it…for child maintenance or to the courts? I have researched loads but there is nothing like hearing from those who have actually experienced it. Hope you can help. x*x
19th January 2016 at 11:53 am #7987Confused123Participant
I really don’t know how they do it , just waiting for karma to hit them in face
19th January 2016 at 1:45 pm #7991AloneParticipant
My situation is a little different, as my abuser is a parent, however she is also financially abusive and hides money.
My first indication was when I was studying, she had full control of my bank account and my entire student loan would be gone in a matter of weeks, so I had to apply for further funding. I asked for receipts to prove all the running costs of our home, but even if I had been paying all those costs alone my money was enough for the period it was supposed to cover!
But I was naïve and thought she was just poor at budgeting, and kept fighting to get her more money.
When I started working I insisted on having control of my own bank account, and still she insisted that even with the costs divided between all the people living here, I personally wasn’t paying enough, and that apparently everyone was struggling because of me.
It was a couple of years before I took it more seriously and looked into how much everything costs. I worked out what her income could be, and using the LOWEST figures for every person living here, we should be more than meeting our outgoings.
Meanwhile I was getting accusations that I am hiding money, have secret bank accounts and secret jobs etc. Bank statements were being stolen, and she was coming up with false accusations for where money was going, for example if it wasn’t clearly labelled on the bank statement as ‘Supermarket Name’, I was accused of transferring money to one of my secret accounts. Eventually I looked at her bank statement, and saw SHE is the one with a few hundred put away!
So long story short, I think that if you have a suspicion, then something is up. If they accuse you of something, there’s a high chance they are actually accusing you of their own actions. I know my mum often accuses me of the things she is doing as it justifies her doing it too, in her own twisted mind.
I’ve decided to take her accusations as advice, and now do have a secret account and am trying to put some savings aside for my future. I’ve decided that I can’t stop the accusations, but I may as well do something for myself instead of constantly trying to prove that she’s wrong.
I don’t think you necessarily need to prove it, possibly the relevant authorities could look into it if you flag it as a concern/possibility? That part I don’t know too much about.
20th January 2016 at 8:38 pm #8051tobehappyParticipant
Confused 123…I am a firm believer that what goes around comes around. It is clear by what he is doing that he has not thought it through. I keep thinking he can’t be that stupid to hide money as I can see that he will run into problems regarding his own finances. Not sure he knows it yet but any logical mind would be able to see it. Can’t wait for that one 🙂
Hi Alone, Yes their accusations pretty much tell you what they are doing. Strange hey! Good on you looking after yourself. Yes the relevant authorities may be able to investigate but I wanted a bit more actual proof before taking things further. Just feel like he is rubbing my face in it as it is so blatant what he is doing! I am, however, in it for the long game and will eventually figure it out. The thing with these men is that they lie so much that they never remember what they have said or done. I have always had a good memory…except when I was with him and he was telling me I had forgotten things (can see now this was just lies) so I will remember what he said and will find out the truth….one day. x
3rd May 2018 at 8:00 pm #57966IwonParticipant
Hi there found earlier comments so interesting my ex in the last few months was accusing me of hiding fortunes and having secret bank accounts . He was obsessed with the idea I had secret hidden fortunes and hidden bank accounts thru the long long divorce did b****y forensics to find my secret money…. I remember swearing to him he had really had call my shares pensions savings.
Looking back he was determined he wanted us financially destroyed while he his stole and lies.
This is what they all do (Detail removed by moderator)…. He didn’t even pay that. (Detail removed by moderator).
Any court orders are transferred to csa after 12 months. It’s called the year and a day rule.
He hasn’t paid since. Is self employed and lies all the time. They are pursuing him ….. but it will take 6 months she said. There us very little chance with self employed dad’s who are liars.
Also hum paying child support gives him the illusion he has some say or control over our lives. Freedom is worth more.
I hate to be negative but….. I reported mine to taxman on the quiet but he just got someone else to front his business and signed his assets over to others
4th May 2018 at 10:18 am #57993cupofcoffeeParticipant
I believe in gut instinct, so if you think that things are being hidden from you financially then they most probably are, but a solicitor is trained to find all this out, I found that they are vital in uncovering the truth and will fight your corner for you. Good luck!
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