How did you leave the person you still love?

[Ariel]

I don’t know how to be without him. It’s like his comfort makes me melt into him and I crave that when things aren’t going well.
I don’t want to live like this anymore but I can’t be without him.
I feel like I might lay down and die if I leave him properly.
I don’t know how I got into this state again.
Last time I left an abusive partner but I left it so long I hated him and couldn’t wait to leave.
This time I’m still infatuated with him I hate it.
You are the only people who understand that pull.

[Lisa]

Hi Ariel,

It’s totally normal that you’re feeling this way. You describe perfectly about his comfort making you melt into him and craving that. This can be such a key part of the abuse dynamic, he is the one causing you distress but has also made himself the one that you go to for comfort. It can be so hard to break that cycle of wanting his comfort while he is continuing to hurt you.

It’s okay not to feel ready to leave, you are on the path towards it with the things you’re thinking and asking, but it can take time. You can get support from your local domestic abuse service even when you’re not ready to make plans to leave, and that could help you start to work through these feelings.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Ariel]

Thankyou xx

[Author]

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