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Hi All,
As you know I tried to leave for the 4th time this week and Came back, without him knowing..
I’m back and still trying to work out how to go and where..I’ve got a call on Monday from womens aid..
I don’t want to tell my mom or sister this time.. I feel such a failure… I can’t leave till after Christmas as I’ll upset my grandchildren…
I’ve even emailed about going to stay in a caravan by the beach for a month.. but they haven’t replied..
The trauma from my daughter’s death and trauma from the abuse has frazzled me so much, I felt so ill last night from untreated diabetes..
Mental team have let me down, over 2 years been with them and I’ve just got worse..
The manager of my DA support worker called today, luckily I was at my mom’s.. she didn’t ask if it was safe to talk.. wanted to know how my support worker was… I said you could of extended the support for 6 months instead of just leaving me..
She said for me to call adult social services to help..
No one helped me plan, I’m not even capable of filling in a form, spinal problems too, not good trying to carry things up and down stairs..X*x
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I got him out. Would that be an option. My ex was removed by the police and that gave me time and space as I know I was trauma bonded to my home. I believe that’s not talked about enough. How we become attached to our home as a safe place, a place that feels normal and to leave is just too much of a jump to take. I believe that’s why many women stay or return time and time again to that feeling of safety. Of course there is nothing safe about it and that’s why many women are hurt or killed because of the twisted way we think. Can you build a case with your mental health workers and police and women’s aid to get him removed. I think if you go about it the right way, you would have a good chance at getting a court to boot him out?
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It’s also really Important you do not look on this attempt as a failure. You need to look at it as a positive step. You tried. Keeping a positive frame of mind is incredibly important. If you follow that negative thought pattern it won’t change and will get worse. Try writing three things each day that’s positive. Might be you were strong enough to organise it. You have grandchildren! 💕 and you have your pets x
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Hi Kip, after me leaving 3 times, I realised it was home I wanted, I asked him to go.. of which he was very nice and went.. only around the corner to his mom’s… consequently he was always texting, asking if he could pop in.. Tec
As everyone was angry with me as they didn’t believe he is an abuser, I ended up moving into a new house with him..
For a month it was ok, then the emotional, controlling and financial abuse got worse and worse..
Everyone says I should stick up for myself, of which I used to and that when it was violent and threatening.. I’m mostly a yes person now.. but doesn’t change the abuse, it’s just not violent now..
My mom said stick up for yourself, if he hits you he hits you..
I did try and speak to him again, but everything was thrown back at me..
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There’s no point in speaking to him. If you can’t stick up for yourself yet then your GP, women’s aid, the police, a solicitor, the courts and your mental health team just might be able to get him out. Next time you will know how his manipulation works and can shut the door on him for good x it a scary thing confronting an abuser so go behind his back x
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Hi Woolly, just letting you know how much I’m thinking of you. I got out with the help of my local WA. I’m in one of their refuge flats which is lovely. I have a year to stay here, hoping to be moved to another area as he won’t accept I no longer want to be with him. There really is no point in talking to him, he’ll jyst twist everything you say.
You won’t be able to stick up fir yourself until you have little to no contact with him. I also believe that they make our mental health worse, so no amount of medication and help from mental health team will work. Don’t ever think you’re too weak to leave. Staying in an abusive relationship takes enormous strength. It’s just we don’t/can’t see it at the time. I can’t stress using LOA(law of attraction) enough. Before I left ,leading up to it, I would visualise often me packing a case and carrying it downstairs, open ing the front door, walking over the threshold, closing it, locking it, putting the case In my car and driving away. I’d also feel the material of my clothes as I folded them, I made it real. Visualise it, believe it and it will happen. And remember to thank the universe.
You will do this, one day you will be free.
Love and light IWMB 💞💞
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