How did yous manage to leave?

[Myname]

Things have just gotten worse and I know it’s going to be hard to leave because I care so much about him even after everything and il miss him around the house etc but I do want to leave, I have tried a couple times but he will not leave, he always says he’s not leaving, I can’t get him to go and I don’t want to call the police because the whole street will see, I said fine il leave but he said basically I’m taking my little boy away from him which I said I would never ever do

So anyone else with similar situation

[Lisa]

Hi Myname,

I recognise that you’re asking for other users input here and the different impact that can have when it’s coming from a place of personal lived experience, which is what the forum is for. If you also wanted to discuss your situation with a Women’s Aid worker then you could use our Live Chat service to do this. They won’t tell you what to do but they can help you to understand your options and signpost you to other support that’s relevant to you.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[LeahJess]

This is a response to your post, I hope it helps. I am so sorry to hear of your situation.

I believed there was no life beyond my husband, and living with him (no matter how difficult) was the easier option.

I didn’t think anyone was there for me, I didn’t see a life ahead. Of course I wanted him but wanted to be free also. Being abused didn’t take away my feelings for him, because my feelings were genuine. In the marriage I became weak, dependant, socially cut off. The familiar person was him, and familairity felt comforting.

But I left because I DID want to leave- ‘somewhere inside I felt it’- one day I listened to that feeeling and walked out.

In time I realised his comforting words and hugs (which I sought in my pain) were needed because he was causing the pain in the first place.

There was help for me and there is help for you.

Only I could make the choice to leave, and then stay away, I felt I was giving up my whole life, it was so hard.

It is possible, and there is help, the police signposted me to support. The police were understanding when I found it hard to involve them. Women’s aid and victim support, also the national domestic abuse helpline. Hopefully a local group in the area runs a programme which you can go to. There may also be groups online.

Nobody should be living in fear, or be treated badly by their partner, or have freedom to make choices taken away. Nobody should be made to feel guilty for trying to do what is best for themselves or for their children.

Remember you have unique strengths, it can be hard to see yourself as you really are when living like this. But never think you have to suffer being treated in this way because it is not right, you don’t deserve it.

I really hope you get the help you need.

[Llgirl]

So beautifully articulated, I resonated with every word.

[Flower01]

Hello my name I understand what your going thought as I’ve been thought it my self and it’s not a easy situation to . I understand you have feelings for him even thoe you have been thought domestic violence with him my advice would be Is to get away and have a break and see how you feel I know it’s hard but usually men like this never change you need to have your own space and make sure your child is away from the abuse because children will learn from the abuse and think it’s the right way to treat someone the man thing is for you and your child safety it taken me time to think I should leave my x boyfriend but when things where geting to much that was it I had to leave him I did not want my kids to suffer anymore please try and take that step and leave for know to see how things are and get some support from women aid and domestic violence helpline they are both really good please don’t leave it to late to leave you will be okay and you can work things out with him when things settle down but with Mr it’s the best thing I did was to leave my xboyfriend because I was free of abuse and my kids liveing in fear I felt more relaxed untill he started again with his abuse but I take accation with that to .

[Author]

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