How do I break the bond

[Bluetriangle]

Hello, new here, convince myself I don’t deserve a place in this group, that because he didn’t actually hit me, I’m a fraud.
My head is a mess. I know he’s not a nice man, it all just became to normal, I just kept excepting everything, because he didn’t mean it, there was no thought process. He couldn’t explain it.
I tried for so many years, for the children, despite feeling constantly humiliated and cheated on behind my back. My finances are a mess compared to before we met. I know he is wrong, I do, and his silent treatment just makes me want to try to save us again. Only this time, he said he’s not sure what he wants anymore, he hasn’t given up on us but he doesn’t know what he wants. He’s been gone (detail removed by moderator) days and he looks so happy when I see him. Why does he look so good on the outside but have the mind of the devil. And why does he always land on his feet in life. His new job because he got fired from the last one is going so well. I’m here, raising our beautiful children pretty much single handed and he’s out having a blast and the world thinks he’s great. Why do I crave him so. Why am I addicted to him. How do I break this hold he has over me. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

[Lisa]

Hello Bluetriangle,

Thank you for sharing what you’re going through with us, I think many women here on the forum will agree that it can be incredibly difficult to break away from the dynamic of an abusive relationship, and that the emotional toll this takes can have such a big impact.

Many women find the Freedom Programme useful as a resource to help with this: https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/. It gives information about the patterns in abusive relationships and the tactics abusers use. Understanding how we are made to feel the way we do can be a useful step in the process of breaking free from abuse.

You might also like to connect with your local domestic abuse service for further emotional and practical support. You can find your nearest service, here.

I’m sure others will be able to offer useful advice as well.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[GettingBackUpAgain]

Im new too – and totally identify with you bluetriangle. Im in my 50s and Ive spent most of my adult life living with covert abuse – he had multiple affairs, huge amount of gaslighting, i was never good enough. Our children werent either – they live with the mental scars even though I tried to protect them. Finally Im out for good, and never going back. I have fiuns that reading as much as i can about the topic is empowering- i better understand how these types of people tick. Id say talk to anyone who will listen – hearing it out loud means you have to speak it. Also say wonderful daily affirmation as you are an amazing survivor.

[Moongazer]

Hello Bluetriangle
I can relate to the things you describe. So sorry you are going through this. I am too, and I wish I had some answers. I have waves of feeling the same as you about wanting to maybe ‘try again’. But I feel like I need to try and stay strong and consistent, because this keeps happening and will only happen again if I go back into the situation.
I wish for you (and myself), the strength to stay strong and move forward without the abusive person in our lives.
Best wishes
Moongazer

[Author]

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