How do I find the words

[Osie]

I am struggling to find words to tell someone what has happened to me. I have plenty of pictures in my head and what feels like a movie on pause. I had to refer my daughter to social services because of my ex’s risk to our daughter over not following medical advice but what he has done is far worse. I am having repeated panic attacks and sleep about 2-3 hours per night so I know this needs to be said. Does anyone know how I can trigger these pictures to make words?

[SilkyHalide]

Osie,
Can you find any posts on here that relate to what you’ve been through and start with the same words. And write them if it’s too hard to speak them.
Xx

[Lisa]

I agree with SilkyHalide, maybe other threads will inspire you to find the words that fit. If not then give yourself time, respond to other women and soon maybe they will come. Don’t pressure yourself. When you find the words we are all here.

Best wishes

Lisa

[Falling Skys]

I hid everything in boxes in my head, when a box opens now I talk or I write it down so if I lose my voice I can pass over what I’ve written.

Things will improve.

Stay strong.

FS xx

[Serenity]

Even start with typing single words.

We are here for you, sweetie x*x

[White Rose]

I agree write as things come yo you. I used to jot down odd comments he said to me and little scenarios that felt wrong ad I was realising I was abused. Then I had nemotied that came flooding out and I wrote more. It still happens now.
Talking will get easier just believe yourself and don’t let anyone make you retract anything that happened just because it sounds so ridiculous or horrible to be true.
If you are writing keep it safe. I used my my phone which had really strong password on it.
Take care xxxx

[Osie]

Thank you all for your advice. I do feel like everything is in boxes in my head. I think fear is a big factor, fear of it happening again, fear of not being believed, fear that people will think your mad as this is a better alternative, fear of going mad by having to deal with it once you say it.

[Falling Skys]

Hi Osie

When I started speaking out I kept waiting for WA, the police to say I was over reacting but they never did. Sometimes friends find it hard to understand only because if you haven’t been in an abusive relationship they try and put logic into what our abusers do and as you know there’s no logic.

I even got my doctor to refer me to the mental health team, and I was told I wasn’t mad but suffering from PTSD.

Our silence give our abusers strength.

I have a WA support worker, I can’t recommend what they do enough, if I have self doubt or a box opens I can run it pass them, or write it on the forum once you have vocalised it and people come back to you with their experiences it gives you strength.

Good luck and keep posting.

FS xx

[Nomorenomore]

I have in the last few days spoken out over what has been happening to me. I have grown stronger and stronger by saying it. I never uttered a word to anyone before this. It was my secret I don’t know why? Shame embarrassment guilt were some of the feelings that I felt. My daughter helped
Me speak up. I didn’t want her life affected by it. I wrote a story about myself except it wasn’t made up. I kept it on my phone in notes and reading it helped me to see how wrong it was. You may be in shock if there has been a recent attack. I was. It’s the first brave step to even post anything. Sending love x

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Be brave and just post it on here,it doesnt matter what happend we not here to judge u , we here to support u, and i think by posting it u will be admitting to yourself it did happen and im sure your be suprised at our reaction that we have been through this stage where we feel stupid for taking it, getting ourselves in this scenario with abusers and actually its not u in wrong it will be him, but sometimes we need to see it in writing or hear it to beleive it. doNt doubt yourself , we all block a lot out,its the way our body and brain copes

[Osie]

I was raped, sodomised and sexually assaulted for over 2 hours after my then husband returned from a night out with his brother, son and close friends. Whilst it was ongoing he was telling me this is what he wanted to have other men line up and do to me, that he wanted to watch and film and when he finished he said thanks. I blamed myself as I had just told him about my diagnosis and I thought he was not coping. I have lots of pictures where I am repeatedly reminded but cannot connect words to them. I am struggling to go to meetings in relation to our daughter as not only will he be there with other people, I do not know who these men are that he was thinking of or if he had any conversations with anyone but my name is shared with people at the meeting and if he has then they will know who I am. I know he was working with someone who used to go somewhere where this happened but he done the above after a night out with his brother, son and close friends. With him downloading recent videos of me in my home I am feeling really unsafe.

[missgiddypants]

sounds like your hubby has been talking to someone he works with who has told him about swingers clubs where ladies can have lots of men ,and this has planted the idea in his head that he wants to do this ,but and I say but it’s despicable that he brought men round to your house to do this without your knowledge or consent ,did he let the other men have you too ?? I don’t wish to be blunt but trying to build up a picture here ,so please don’t be offended ,swinging is all good and well in your marriage to add spice but it has to be something which you agree upon ,please forgive me if I’m wrong just guessing ,when you said he wanted to line up other men x

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Well done for posting, what a total f***** b****** for putting u through that, well done for posting , its not your shame its the way these men abuse our trust and mess with our head, i woud call womens aid and get guidance how u can get support to get over this, work with the agencies there is os much suport available u just have to take it

[missgiddypants]

Osie you have not been on here since your post ,so I hope you are ok ,we are all here for you any time you need to talk xx

[Osie]

Life just got a lot more unsafe. A social services report has been given to my ex describing the layout of my new home. I can’t sleep, eat or function. He has started filming calls me and my daughter have on the phone during times she is with him and has downloaded pictures of me and my daughter in our home from her phone on to his.

[Author]

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