How do I finish this with him

[Sunrise]

I’ve decided for sure I want this relationship to be over. I don’t want to leave our house I want him to go. I don’t know how to find the words to actually tell him it’s over. I feel I owe him some kind of explaination because he’s been fine for the last few weeks, no episodes as such, a few nasty words but nothing as bad as usual. I’m feeling really down and upset, lost my appetite, feeling empty and confused about if I’m doing the right thing. I just want it to be over. Only a matter of time before it starts again.

[Dragonfly]

Hi

I don’t know your situation but I think you just have to make it clear you’re not in love with him, you don’t want to be with him, you want him to leave. End of. He will obv object and try everything to change your mind but saying there’s nothing left to save is about as over as you can get.

Is your home jointly owned or rented? Maybe speaking to the helpline would be a better idea come to think of it. I can only say what I did to get rid. It worked for me but…..you know…. It’s never straight forward.

[EeyoreNoMore]

I told mine it was over whilst we were in a ‘good’ spell. He took it really well and agreed.

Two days later the brown stuff hit the fan and our lives were turned upside down. Nearly a year later we are backwards and forward to court. He lies he has told are amazing!

Be prepared for it to get messy. Have a plan for every eventuality. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t find the wonderful women on this forum until afterwards.

[KIP.]

They are most dangerous when we try to leave. Contact your local women’s aid for an exit plan. He’s probably being nice because he senses you’ve had enough. Mine was all reasonable to begin with then went nuts. Don’t ever expect him to be reasonable. Can you record his abuse for a non mol order to get him out the house. He’s going nowhere. Although I suggested a trial separation with date nights etc to get him to leave which he did. Unfortunately I had no idea about domestic abuse and the cycle of abuse and took him back ☹️

[Lightness]

Sunrise
Well done for making this decision. kip is right about this being a dangerous time.

Please realise this – you DON’T owe him anything. You don’t owe him anything.
You have every right to live your life as you wish and without him in it. I felt just like you in terms of wanting to give an explanation. I left with no warning and I am so pleased I did. I left a written explanation and communicated to offer further explanation by email in a compassion and clear way, but it meant nothing to him. He just twisted everything I wrote. These are NOT normal, rations, reasonable people.

The confusion you feel is normal and is exactly how he wants you to feel – by his blowing hot and cold so that you doubt yourself, feel compassion for him and feel guilty. Don’t fall for his manipulation tactics which are all I tentional and cruel.

We are here for you

Lx

[Author]

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