How do I get out

[Arky123]

Hi all,
I did my first post weeks ago but had to be removed as too much detail

I’m just asking advice how you all managed to finally get out and break free. The house is in my name. He would never leave.
Sick to death of the control now. I feel like I can’t breathe. Without getting police involved.

[Anonymous]

Hi there sorry to hear how you are feeling , in my case I had to get police involved to remove my ex , it was my house also , but he wouldn’t go and I was rarely on my own to have an opportunity to change locks and leave his stuff outside, is this a possibility for you ? If you don’t want police removing him x

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Arky, ah shame your original post was taken down, I guess it was too identifying or too specific information.

This jumped out at me from your post…
“He would never leave.
Sick to death of the control now. I feel like I can’t breathe”

I would say you have some choices, non of which are easy but you have choices…

Pack his stuff up and tell him to find somewhere to stay (it doesn’t matter where, he is an adult and responsible for himself) and give him a set time… no longer than 2 weeks as he has already had time.

Apply for a non molestation/residence order as it is your home.

Pack his stuff and a 3rd party you trust can hang onto it until he collects it (again I would advise a set time and not too long).

You cannot trust him to do as you ask as he has no intention of leaving and even less of being amicable or reasonable as abusers are not rational, amicable people.

I was with mine for over 2 decades. He wouldn’t leave. He used so many excuses and was the ‘victim’ he accused me of being cruel, breaking up our family. He just wouldn’t go! I sent him properties, rooms which were available for him to move into and he just ignored it as he didn’t want to leave. It was awful as I had loved him for many many years and I had to keep rejecting him which made me feel like a terrible person. I eventually gave him a moving out date, I messaged him and told him he had x time amto leave, if he didn’t then I would ask him to be removed by the police so it was his choice to leave with or without the police. As they know what they are doing is wrong (and illegal in lots of cases) he finally left.

We are no contact now and we are healing (me and children) slowly but it is so worth it.

Don’t waste your kind nature worrying for him, he isn’t worrying about you, he is only thinking of himself and will blame you for everything.
❤️

[Bananaboat]

I agree with HeretoHelp, as hard as it is and as much as you don’t want to – you have to take the lead. Don’t waste your time trying to help him, he’ll just lie about what he’s doing/when he’s going. He’s going to be angry and nasty whether you’re cut throat or overly nice, you can’t change that and he’s going to make himself out to be the victim eitherway. Some ppl have had police present when moving stuff out, or at least on standby, speak to woman’s aid and find out what support you may be able to get

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