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    • #166801

      Hi everyone, another sleepless night and a miserable day ahead of me. I just thought I’d pour my thoughts and feelings out, apologies in advance for babbling on, it’s just that sometimes coming here and writing things down helps me a little, so here goes…

      He is constantly causing a division between us because mentally he has never accepted me as his wife (detail removed by moderator). He never wanted to share his life with me and even said I ‘trapped’ him. By that he means when I got pregnant and ended up getting married many years ago. He has never seen our home as ‘home’ (detail removed by moderator)

      He calls the food I buy in the fridge ‘your stuff’ (detail removed by moderator) And so what if I did buy food for OUR son when he occasionally comes over, as a father to the same child he should respect my love and sense of responsibility I have for our son rather than judge me for it. I cannot make sense to any of this, I really wish someone reading this would for me..

      He constantly tells me ‘check your camera’ every time we have an argument or disagreement. (detail removed by moderator). Again anything that belongs to the household is ‘mine’ and he is apart from it.

      He never calls our bedroom our room, or his bed, he stays out of it as much as possible when I’m in it. He comes to bed 2am at the earliest, and stays in bed after I have got up. He calls it ‘the room’ or avoids naming it all together. He was once intimate with me but has stopped for (detail removed by moderator)

      He watches TV on his own, mostly football, I’ve even tried joining him watching football even though I don’t enjoy it but just for that connection, but he watches it in his own world and doesn’t let me in so I gave up. He comes home late so I’m often in my room by the time he gets back, but on seldom occasions when I am still up when he gets home, he will walk in and grab the remote and switch over to football or whatever, and I’m left with no choice other than to get up and go to my room. I envy couples that watch TV together, even if it’s just one programme with one and other, there’s a sense of intimacy there, being able to discuss and share things together, but even here I am left on the outside looking in…

      I eat my dinner by myself, I go to bed by myself, I spend weekdays, weekends by myself or with my mum. I’m isolated, I once had friends now I don’t, partly because I withdrew from them because he would put me down in front of them, partly because I no longer felt like socialising because I no longer felt a part of anything or anyone’s life.

      So that’s how I ended up here. I know for sure how I got here, but I don’t have clue how to get out of here.

    • #166802

      Road, same life as mine, no friends or relatives, no job, locked in my bedroom for many many months now, i dont meant to offend you but thats not a marriage.You need to contact your local D A centre, it has taken me months to were i am now, i have now got a support worker, who is trying to house me.
      On here ask for advise on live chat, i just cant believe how much abuse is out there, keep posting.

    • #166803

      So sorry this is your world right now. It’s crazy how similar these people are – my ex too would say I baby trapped him, that it was ‘your child’ or ‘your food’ or ‘your bill/chore’ etc. The only time something was shared was when he wanted it. Does he use your name- another common trait is they don’t use our names and give us nicknames which feel affectionate at the time like babe or honey but are just another trick in the playbook. I too had the TV issue just like you.

      We’re here to serve them – pay their bills, wash their clothes, bring up their kids but to not expect any responsibility or shared duty from them. How do you leave? One baby step at a time. What do you want next Christmas to look like, next summer holiday? What memories do you want for your children? This will help you visualise where you’d like to get to. Then research – homes, benefits/help you might be entitled to, start taking copies or moving important documents. Each step is closer to the future. The more you learn about abuse, the more you see and the stronger you’ll become and that can take a while and that’s ok. Read Lundy Bancroft’s book if you haven’t already. xx

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