How do I get out of this

[Ilovemykids]

Hi,
Can you offer some advice please?
Together (detail removed by moderator)
2 children (detail removed by moderator)
I have to previous children (detail removed by moderator)
He has developed a massive hate for my children wont even speat to them. So that is already dividing us. He is (detail removed by moderator) and I’m white. He won’t make any friends with white people wont even talk to my friends unless there (white) attractive. Constantly on about how they all look and how I dont look like them and how fat I am. He won’t go out with me. No even to the local shop.
Doesn’t interact with our children unless to punish them. He works shifts (detail removed by moderator). When hes at home he only sits on the sofa and will not move. I work fulltime. Come home then go out shopping for the tea, come home cook tea, sort the kids out put them to bed, clean, tidy, iron, washing, and he just sits there. I’m at my wits end I have no family, as I from a single parent family myself (just me and mum) but I lost my mum (detail removed by moderator) ago. My grandparents have since passed. My mum had no siblings and neither do I. So it’s a very lonely existence. I just need all the help and advice to get out of the mess.

I bought the house we live in a year before I met him. And he currently gives me (detail removed by moderator) a month for housekeeping, holidays, food, birthdays, Christmas ect…

Please advise, as I dont want to leave my home

Thank you so much x

 

[EbonyRaven]

Hi. Well done for getting the courage up to post. Just to let you know, Lisa, the moderator is likely to remove quite a bit of the identifying information. Children’s ages, years together etc. Don’t worry, it’s to keep you safe.

As the house is yours you can get an occupation order to have him removed. Speak to Rights of Women and Women’s Aid as they can help you make a safe plan for it all. You can get a non-molestation order at the same time to keep him away from the home and area. The orders are free. It may be worth going to see a solicitor on the free initial consultation they offer to discuss it.

Don’t tell him, as that is when these men can become dangerous, so get your plans sorted out without letting him know. It isn’t deceitful, it is being safe for you and your children.

This man is acting like he’s the lodger and you’re his housekeeper. That’s not a loving, sharing relationship.

Keep posting.
ER xx

[Ilovemykids]

Thank you so much, that’s a great help.I’m going to have a look now.

I do understand why I need to keep this totally to myself, as in the past he has been very violent to both me and my older children.
I can’t even begin to list as so many, but I know this needs to end for our safety and health.
Can’t say I’m not scared as I am. But I need to make a change before it’s to late.

Thanks again. Xx

[EbonyRaven]

I’m really sorry to hear that. If he threatens you please call the police straight away. Have him removed and change the locks. You are allowed to do that by law in your situation.

Don’t let him back in and arrange contact through a third party, if you have to deal with him at all.

Be safe. Sending strength.

[HunkyDory]

Hi Ilmk, I hope you found some help via the things Ebony Raven said. She’s absolutely right, it’s your house you can get him removed. You won’t lose your home. Have you involved the police in the past? I sent you a private message as well. Please stay safe while you make your plans. Xx

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