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Ok so I’m new to the forum, but I think i knew before i joined that i want out of my decade long relationship.
Just to give a few examples of what he does: he calls me names, tells me its my fault he acts this way, throws a tantrum when i wont have sex with him (why would I want to when he’s been horrible to me all day?!), he constantly monitors my money and god forbid i buy ANYTHING, he throws things, slams doors, takes me phone/house key/bank card off me when he’s angry…the list goes on…Physically he’s never thrown a punch at me but he’ll push/grab me… He’s dug a key into my arm and made it bleed…trapped my foot in the door on purpose, grabbed me by the throat…
My breaking point was a couple of days ago…I’d just got out of the shower and was ironing my dress for work so still had my nightie on. He tried to get past me (we have a narrow kitchen and I was in the way with the ironing board) to make a drink but tripped over the vacuum cleaner – he threw the cup and shouted “f**k this!” And walked out of the kitchen. I knew what was coming…
It all escalated quickly and before i knew it he’d pushed me outside and locked the door – in a nightie…hair dripping…6:30 in the morning…
He eventually let me back in and told me not to bother getting ready for work cos i wasn’t going – he often does this – he said sorting thkngs out with him was more important than work.I’ve had enough.
I have no idea how to get out – i know I’ll have to be the one to leave because he definitely won’t… But i also know he wont let me go…
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Do you have support from womens aid, have you called the helpline, they will help you get away.
All that you have said he does is abuse, some of it is exactly like mine, the name calling, smashing and throwing things, blaming you.
Other ladies on here have had the sexual abuse of bad behavoir if you wont have sex.
Call your local womens aid, they may be busy but request a call back.
You can go into a refuge they will help you.
Do be aware that abuse often escalated when you try to leave or if they suspect you have had enough, as they feel they are losing control of you, so get support first.
Mine has not hit me or punched me in all the decades I have suffered , but he hit me in the face just before christmas for the first time, they get worse over time x -
Hi godschild, thank you for your response I really appreciate it.
I know it might sound silly, but I’m not sure I’m ready to call the helpline just yet. I’m still a bit unsure of what I’m doing and whether it’s the right thing, etc.
He has only ever hit me once, but it doesnt matter because the other things he does are sonetimes worse. For example, when the anger starts he just will not let it go, it can go on for hours and its like some kind of form of torture – if i leave the room he’ll follow me, he wont let me leave the house or phone anyone – and yet sometimes I’ll just beg him to stop and he doesnt care, he’ll just say something like “oh hear come the tears”…sounds awful but sometimes i think a punch in the face would be less painful x*x -
You could look for a place to live and then call a moving company and pack your things and leave when he is not at home.
I know someone who did that. When he came home even the carpets on the floors were gone 🙂 🙂 🙂-
It doesn’t sound silly that yo are not ready , it takes time to work it all out. I get exactly the same phrase as you ” Oh here come the tears ” or my tears are emotional blackmail, they will not let us express any emotion at all be it anger or pain.
Mine got angry before and after Christmas for weeks no let up it was awful, he had never hit me before but did just that once but I can empathise with being followed around the house, mine will rant on and on with foul language when he really gets mad.
Since the episode at Christmas, I have change in my attitude towards him and he knows it,Im stronger he hasnt been that bad again YET
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