How do I keep away? Feeling desperate

[Ineedhelptobestrong]

Hey guys, I’m knew to this forum. Just on hold to speak to a domestic abuse helpline but been on hold for hours. So sad as they must be so busy with so many people.

I’m at a loss, I got back with my ex after years apart, he’s previously been to prison for things he has done to me in the past. But it’s not just the physical abuse I struggle with, it’s more the mental abuse, are there any survivors on here that have managed to leave an abusive partner and actually stay away for good? I constantly go back and forth in my own head, it’s a constant battle between what I feel and what I know, I go through times where I feel strong and times where I feel so weak. I want to leave him once and for all but I just feel so alone and have no confidence. I’m so worried that I’ll never have the strength to leave for good and this will be my life. I’m only (removed by moderator) and I want nothing more than a nice life and to meet the right person and have a loving relationship, I just don’t know what more needs to happen for me to leave? I feel so alone when I try to.

If anyone has any advice or help I would really appreciate it. X

[KIP.]

Hey there. For me it was learning about abusive relationships and what makes us stay. Google trauma bonding. The power and control wheel. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. I also had counselling to help me understand. Leaving an abuser can be like breaking a drug habit and that means staying away from that drug and anything to do with it. It also means burning bridges so that you don’t cross them again and that could be having him arrested and put in prison (again) until you get the strength and understanding to stay away. You could get a non molestation order against him. In the end it took the police and bail to get me out of the mess. I was just frozen with fear. Keep building a good and interesting life away from him. Talk to your local women’s aid. There’s a chat facility on here and there’s the national domestic abuse helpline too. Keep learning. It takes on average 7 attempts to leave an abuser for good so we know how difficult it is. You’re reaching out for help so you know this relationship is dangerous and he doesn’t care for you and that’s a good place to start x

[Miamou]

I’m very new to the forum and have just recently left my abusive partner so I don’t have a lot of advice except that I have watched some of the suggested YouTube videos and am reading through some of the books suggested here and they seem to be helping me to not be sucked in to his patterns of manipulation and realise actually how anxious and afraid I have been. I’m also going to start writing down every time I remember times he was abusive to me to help me remember why I have walked away. (Hope this makes sense)

[ryusaki]

Do you have good friends and family? I only left my ex because he threatened my parents and I wanted to protect them. The longer I’ve had away from him the more clear things are becoming I think the best thing is no contact and time and to remind yourself what he’s actually done. It probably feels normal to you or “not that bad” because that’s how I feel but when I told people they were horrified. It’s the self doubt that’s awful.

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