How do I know if he's love bombing me

[Minimrs]

Ok so he wants to try again and he is saying the right things and being really nice to me. This is after I kicked him out and made him sleep in the car then he talked this way back in the house and then back in the bed. He said he has changed and he will never speak to me that way again. He said he just wants to be a family and grow old together. I don’t know if this is love bombing or real. I’d love nothing more than to have what we had before

[KIP.]

Ask yourself how many times before has he made promises he hasn’t kept. You posted recently about him breaking his promises within days. This is a pattern that won’t change. He won’t/hasn’t respect your wishes or your boundaries. He can move out. Give you both space and prove himself from a distance to begin with but that’s not what he wants. We all want what we had before. It’s not real. It’s a mask he wears, a huge lie to hook you in and keep you hooked in x

[Tiffany]

You say that you would love to have what you had before. I would take a hard honest look at what you had before. Taking off any rose tinted spectacles that he is trying to make you wear
He’s been abusive. He’s upset you. He’s undermined you. He’s made you think you are the problem. And you have worked your a*s off trying to make things work and to make him happy. You will get what you had before. It will consist of you bending over backwards to make him happy and him never being satisfied and telling you he’d be happy if only you did a bit more. This is basically your best case scenario. Is this what you want.

[Minimrs]

He blows hot and cold with a few sarcastic comments. He said he was going to have words with my friend (detail removed by moderator) about telling his wife that my husband spoke tohim. We have been friends with these people for over ten years and they don’t want to be stuck in the middle of this .it’s like he says things and then downplays what he said. But he’s not doing anything to say he is emotionally abusing me

[KIP.]

Blowing hot and cold and being sarcastic is emotional abuse. Keeping you walking on eggshells. Making you feel anxious by threatening to involve friends then downplaying is Gaslighting you. You shouldn’t feel these things in a supportive relationship. A supportive partner should be making you happy, encouraging you to achieve in life. Helping you be positive and fulfill yourself. Not holding you back. Making you worry and anxious. Being with an abuser becomes normal to us and we minimise their behaviour but it’s you who is suffering. You who needs to reach out for help. You who is confused and upset by his behaviour. Have you read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven?

[Minimrs]

I have a copy but not read it yet. I will try and read it this afternoon while he is at work.

[KIP.]

Reading that book changed my life. I had no idea that he was abusing me. And the tactics he used were written in a book. He wasn’t even original in his abuse. It took me quite a while to recover from the shock. It’s terrible to realise you’re b I got abused by someone you love and you think loves you too x

[Author]

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