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Husband and I have separated due to an affair and emotional abuse. We’re still living together, I’m sleeping in our front room and trying to minimise contact. We have 3 kids, (detail removed by Moderator). I want to stay in the house, at least for the next couple of years, until important exams are over. He says he won’t leave, house will have to be sold, so he can buy somewhere. Previously he has said he’s suicidal and doesn’t know how he’ll cope if he has to move out. He is having counselling and is now on his best behaviour. I want to try and keep stability for the kids. Solicitors advise was to apply for Divorce. I’m worried he’ll change once I apply for divorce. We did leave for (detail removed by Moderator) months (detail removed by Moderator) but ended up returning as couldn’t cope with lack of space and routine at parents house. Tried to seek help but was a big struggle and lots of mixed advice. Referred myself twice to local DA service but never heard anything back. Waiting for some counselling through another local DA charity. Go through periods of feeling ok with new situation and then feeling stuck and frustrated and wanting to move on. He wants us to stay together and says he’ll change. Part of me wants to but part of me feels like we’ve been here before and slowly the old behaviours returned. We have now separated (detail removed by Moderator) times, (detail removed by Moderator) this time is the furthest I have come, but me and the kids had to leave. Last time was hell and I swore that it was all over. Now am I stuck back here again?
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Hi Sungirl,
Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Its often about power and control for abusive men, I can understand this must be a very uncomfortable living space for you- you and your kids deserve to feel safe.
It must be frustrating and as you say it comes in waves and you are feeling a lot of conflicting emotions. You may want to seek alternative legal advice to see if there are any other options.
Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Their Family law advice line can advise around domestic abuse; divorce, finances, cohabitation and property in relationship breakdown; parental responsibility and child arrangements. They are available on 0207 251 6577 (Tues-Thurs 7-9pm and Fri 12-2pm). They also have a line for women in London on 020 76-8 1137 (Mon 10am-12pm and 2-4pm, Tues-Weds 2-4pm, Thurs 10am-12pm and 2-4pm)
Take care and keep posting
Lisa
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