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I think I’m ready to draw a line. I made him go to his parents (detail removed by moderator) after a particularly horrid row. He left, made promises, it lasted a couple of days at best and now we are in a worse place then before.
He still laughs at me, mocks me, undermines me to my child, swears at me, swears all the time, despite me asking him not to. Throws things. Refuses to listen to me, has no empathy for me. At times I think he actually hates and despises me. He has currently stopped calling me names…. but I don’t believe it will last, and the sentiment of what he says to me remains the same. He is currently withdrawing certain privileges, as he sees them, like helping me with the house, paying for certain things, coming with me for family gatherings, cooking etc. Since he returned from his parents, when I had the house beautifully tidy, despite a lively (detail removed by moderator), the house is now perpetually a mess.
He keeps on saying our marriage is over, but then makes it clear he won’t be ‘letting me chuck him our of his home again’. I didnt ever actually force him to leave, just agreed with him when he said he would go. He is now using this against me. He is also saying that I’m not bothered about trying and it is my lack of affection towards him that means we are in this situation. He tells me I will make sure he couldn’t see our child if we split which for her sake I wouldn’t do.
I currently work part time and my income is about half of his. We own a house together, but he has made it clear he has no intention of leaving. I would naturally pick up a lot of the care of our child as I only work (detail removed by moderator). Financially I have no excess money anywhere, and so I would have to wait for a sale on the house to free up any money to move out an pay rent. I am trying to squirrel money away, but its tricky as money is very tight.
How on earth do I make that leap when I’m pretty reliant on him leaving. I have no family close enough to stay with them.
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Hi. You sound you are in the place I was exactly a year ago, in a very similar surrounding. My OH left for a few days, came back and has sworn I will never make him leave again. We too both own our home. I work part time, more so because we have young children who need taking to school, etc. So 12 months later, after giving up hope that he may leave and do the decent thing of leaving me & the children in the home, we are moving out to a friend’s house. It is half the size of our home but it will be my home, and from there I am hoping to find the strength to start rebuilding and take him to court, if I have too, over the family home. I have got myself a credit card, which I am using for my solicitor. I never thought I would be here, but I am & moving out in a few days so just be prepared to have to take the lead and do it your way, because they will not move. They don’t feel they have done anything wrong to make them give up everything, but we have, because we have made them.into the ar****led they are!!!!
Be strong, take control, it won’t happen overnight but you will get there, if you are determined. In the meantime, take care, look after yourself and be careful.
DD xx -
Get some advice from womens aid, you can apply for occupation orders which will ensure you remain in the property and he moves out. Or look at a Non-Molestation order. Again, he would then have to move out. Its a harsh route to take but in my experience some men especially the abuser will bluntly refuse to do what is right for you and the children and simply worry about themselves.
You can do this. Speak directly with Womens Aid or Citizens advice, they will advise you on your legal rights with regards to the home but also how to protect yourself in occupying the house by yourself. If you are married he will have to pay his part of the mortgage and even spousal maintenance so you will be ok.
Get researching, some solicitors will even give an hours free advice. Knowledge is power. You got this x
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