How do I leave?

[Penny21]

I’m literally at the end of my tether and so desperate to leave but I can’t because I’m so scared.

Me and my oh have been away on holiday (detail removed by Moderator) on our own and it was literally the last straw for me. I couldn’t do anything right and spent the whole time on eggshells wondering what I was going to do wrong next or what his reaction would be. I’m so desperate to please him all the time and not do anything to upset him and it’s exhausting. I don’t know why but Him shouting at me is awful and makes me a nervous wreck. I just literally clam up. He makes me feel so small and stupid and insignificant.

I know it’s wrong. I’ve recently read ‘Living with the dominator’ and could identify straight away that he’s a bully. I don’t think he even realises he’s doing it. He’s been doing it that long that it’s second nature now.

I don’t have the strength to fight back as it will just lead to a big screaming match. I couldn’t wait to get home from holiday so I could get away from him. I have no voice in our relationship and every day any love I have left turns into hate more and more.

I can’t live like this any longer but I keep saying this and carrying on and taking it. I need to stand up to him but I can’t.

I’m so grateful for this forum as I can be completely honest.

Thanks for listening.

[Camel]

Hi Penny21

It sounds exhausting and terrifying.

I don’t think you need to think in terms of standing up to him or fighting back. It won’t work anyway. He will never see your point of view, agree he’s in the wrong, change his behaviour.

Does everything feel less scary if you take confronting him out of the picture?

You don’t need his permission or approval to get away. In fact, you shouldn’t give him any idea of your plans anyway, as this will likely escalate his control and abuse.

If you really are ready to go (and who would blame you) start to think about what you need to put in place to make it happen. Things like somewhere to go, a support network, money, and so on.

If you have any suspicion whatsoever that he will turn violent please consult WA or similar for information on leaving safely.

Keep posting x

[Author]

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