How do I leave?

[Juststuck]

I’m in a marriage that I want to leave, weve been together for such a long time, and there isn’t really any violence, or even arguments for that matter, he is very kind and loving so long as I am playing by all the rules, including not having my own job but I have been working with a counsellor who has helped me to come to terms with it being an abusive relationship. I have a house ready that I could move into, right now if I wanted to.

I just don’t know how to actually go. Do I just run away and change my number and not not speak to him ever again. Or do I sit him down and tell him, and if so, what do I tell him?

I am quite scared of him, there have been a few violent episodes although only a few over many years, but I feel like I wouldn’t put anything past him, I really don’t know which way he would go, he could be fine or he could be awful.

Also, we don’t have kids but we do have dogs. Can I take them or not? This is going to come as such a shock to him and I feel like I should leave the dogs with him because I’m the one doing this to him.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi just stuck, you don’t owe him your dogs or.anything for that matter.. you haven’t done this, he has been and is abusive.. it is very scary once you decide enough *I was married for many many years*… in my opinion do not discuss with him, he won’t be rational and you have said he will be shocked which makes him unpredictable which makes me feel concerned for your safety. Is there anyone who could support you with this, a family member or a friend?

Also, maybe free 30 minute solictor appointment. Might be helpful?

You deserve to be happy and free
❤️ HFH

[Decagon]

Just stuck,
The phrase that leaps of the screen – he is unpredictable – is yelling at me do not try and discuss this with him………….

You have said – he can be, occasionally violent – this might be *just* one of “those” times, and because you will be breaking a cardinal rule, it will possibly esculate, far more rapidly than you can imagine.

You are scared of him – this is a very real instinct, and the one which is telling *your* truth, the one which he hasn’t told, nagged, shouted, bullied, pleased at you,it is your genuine feeling, and can be trusted.

Personally, I tried to leave twice before making a 3rd and final attempt. I have children, so it was different, but your dogs, are your fur babies, so it is not so different.

There was no discussion, just quiet prep, beforehand – document collecting, bills paid up, clothes spirited away etc, so when I felt ready to go, I did. I just disappeared – he was furious, each time, and I am really glad I didn’t attempt to discuss with him. I did tell him, in numerous rows, beforehand, over years, that I wasn’t happy, and his drinking needed to be addressed. But not addressed, before we left.

For me, personally, the thought of leaving, was worse than the actual going. The relief was instantaneous, as Hereforhelp has said, friends and family are helpful, for me they were my sanity, and solicitors were also needed, to sort financial and family issues.

Good luck, and much love in your quest for the peace and happiness you rightly deserve.

[Author]

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