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    • #160018
      Ariel
      Participant

      The man I’m with has very depressed episodes, doesn’t go to work, drinks too much, lays in bed.
      But I’m getting sucked into it, I’m crying all the time and can’t sleep. I think I have too much empathy and am used to monitoring my exs mood from the abuse. So it’s built in if that makes sense.
      Can a relationship like this continue I’m wondering if my life will always be fighting depression if I stay. I do love him but I want to be happy. It sounds selfish, maybe I am.

    • #160068
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Ariel,

      This sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. Wanting to be happy isn’t selfish at all. Recognising the negative impact that being in this relationship is having on you is important. You don’t owe him (or anyone) your mental wellbeing. Is your partner getting or seeking any support for this depression? He is an adult and responsible for engaging with help to manage his mental health. It is okay to leave a relationship that is making you unhappy and unwell, for whatever reason.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #160082
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Hey Ariel

      Wanting to be happy is not selfish… you have been in abusive relationships and this new relationship, even though you feel no violent threat… it is draining you by the sounds of it a d you are losing sight of what you want, what you need, your happiness should be first not his… maybe you are used to managing abusive moods (I was conditioned mentally to be on alert and access my ex’s moods… I carried on this way of thinking with other relationships… as I hadn’t learnt how to stop my brain from appeasing… or monitoring moods as you have said… I totally can relate to that.

      You do not sound happy in this relationship… you deserve to be free to be your true self and those around you to love, listen, respect you and encourage your growth… you deserve a healthy relationship Arial.

      Big hugs
      HfH ❤️

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