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    • #13877

      I would be grateful if anybody can advise me on the best course of action here. I contacted someone that I used to know, purely as I would like to stay loosly in touch, we went out some years ago and for me it would be nice to touch base every so often. We have history and on my part there are no feelings whatsover now but if you have history my view is that it is pleasant to be friendly if you can. I ended our relationship back then as he was controlling. I have contacted him now and he has begun the silent treatment after an initial response saying it was nice to hear from me. I feel as though he is enjoying (as my most recent ex did) me sitting at the end of my PC waiting to hear from him and keeping me dangling. I have tried a couple of times in the past to be friendly towards him, friend requesting him on FB etc. Each time he ignored me. Now he has replied saying it is nice to hear from me & what have i been up to etc i reply and he goes silent. I don’t understand this communication. Unless it is possible that I am the one in the wrong to try to be friendly now after I ended it with him (detail removed by moderator) years ago. I find its quite hurtful to know someone initmatly, share some good times and then never ever speak to them again.

    • #13880
      White Rose
      Participant

      Are you sure you really want contact again as you say you ended it as he was so controlling? Leopards don’t change their spots! I’d advise be careful. Is he silent as he knows he’s got you hooked and wants you to chase then he can start controlling you again ? Or maybe he’s with someone else and feels he cant be friends with someone hes been close to in the past – at least at the moment.
      Take care and don’t get hurt xxxx

    • #13882
      SaharaD
      Participant

      My advice is to write him off and deal with your hurt in a positive way.

      People who don’t respond to your communications do not care about you intentionally or unintentionally.

      Either way. It’s not wholesome or healthy to have any type of one-sided relationship with anyone whether they are your friend, colleague, boss, family member or partner.

      We need to stop trying to people please and set boundaries that protect us from abusive, toxic or unhealthy situations and people.

      There’s a book called nice girls finish last. We have to stop trying to be so nice all of the time to people who really don’t deserve it or have earned it.

    • #13938
      Starmoon
      Participant

      You don’t need this mans friendship or approval. I’d hazard a guess that he was bothered by the end of the relationship it was only because his ago was damaged in him losing control.
      If you’re anything like me then you hate to think of anyone disliking you, or being hurt by you?
      And after coming out of a controlling relationship we’re more prone to enter into other ones aren’t we? We need to find strength to validate and love ourselves. No man needs to do this for us.. And a controlling bully never will anyway xx

    • #13944
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I think you should never ever contact an ex. The ex is an ex for a reason. You say yourself they the other one was abusive too.
      I have no friends because all these females who pretended to be friends while I was doing well abandoned me when I came out with the truth.
      What I do when everything becomes too much: I go to the park and scream as loud as I can. Then I feel a bit relieved. I never talk to people about what I am going through anymore. My experiences were too bad.
      This forum is brilliant because we all understand what it means to get out of abuse.
      The outside world fails to understand us, even the professionals.
      Keep posting here instead of calling that ex abuser.
      You can also call the Samaritans. They are far better than an abusive ex. x*x

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