How do you cope with feelings of loneliness?

[puzzledatlife]

Now that the new year has started, how do you cope?
I feel really alone! I have friends but at the moment I can’t still see the kid who was my step daughter as we are in a dispute resolution. (detail removed by Moderator) gives me rights, if he will, I have no right to access. My ex is being extremely nasty in the dispute. I think this is common and is actually goimg in my favour but still is hard on many levels.
I am shut to possible romance. I can’t bear the thought of another man in my life yet.
I have friends but no family in this country, just my son…I know that’s a lot but it makes me feel I am just an inadequate parent. Can’t provide him with a normal family life.
I have done all the things that should be done in these cases. Stay close to my friends, enrolling activities, dance, book clubs, meet ups…therapy, will next week start women’s aid moving on group.
Yet I feel so so alone!!
Tomorrow is another Sunday and I will go shopping for clothes because my wardrobe needs refreshing. But will go alone. Yes I could ask a friend to come with me… Today i was with my close girl friends. Yesterday was at a party. Men ask my number. I am turning…well…over (detail removed by Moderator)…I think who could ever want me at this stage? Half term is approaching. What will my son do? Easter will come. Will we just be alone? Bank holiday will come. Will we just be alone?
I feel really lost in the world. What do you do? How do you cope?
Thanks xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hello puzzledatlife. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m over (detail removed by Moderator) now, a fair bit, but I think I’d feel like you, in fact I know I would. All the knowledge in the world, knowing we’re doing the right things, it doesn’t help when loneliness hits home. The enormity of it is overwhelming, but one day my friend, you’ll be ready to really find someone to walk with you by your side, not trying to control you, not wanting absolute power over you. For now it’s safer to do some things alone, but one day you’ll love again. Don’t be in a rush, you and your son are enough. I wish i could have even that with my children.
Love and kindness
IWMB 💕💕

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

I’m in a similar situation, it’s just me and my son (ex had children whom I got on great with – not seeing them is another loss – he will just make it difficult). Christmas & new year where so challenging – I aim to make this Christmas different. I’m learning to be alone & enjoy my own company (I’m in my (detail removed by Moderator) and can’t see me ever being intimate with someone again) & carving out a different future than I had imagined. Keep doing what your are – socialising etc, give yourself time, things will get better x

[Apricotpoppy]

Hi Puzzledatlife, I have friends around but not my family but sometimes I feel so alone as a single parent and the responsibility feels huge. Saying that I see ourselves as a new and different version of our family now. I spend loads of time with my kids now. They are developing their sense of humour so that is fun. I could never spend so much quality time with them before due to the demands of their father and his nasty behaviour and games. But then again we had some lovely family times.
I don’t want a partner. Too soon.
I am doing modified no contact, only essential texts, so I think this makes me feel even more alone as a parent cos we don’t discuss the kids anymore. I am surviving. Can’t look very far forward even to bank holiday.
As RBAT says I hope time will heal all.

[puzzledatlife]

Thanks all for your kind words.
Ribirth, I decided to apply to court to regulate the contact between the kids, as I didn’t want this to happen through my unstable ex. I don’t know what the judge will decide, but it is a very difficult situation. I felt option 1 shutting him and the kids off from each other (that, I didn’t want to take); 2 allow things to go at his will (that I didn’t want to continue, with kids being messed about, and myself, all the times) and 3 tell him that either we put an agreement on paper or I will seek mediation, and should that fail apply to court. He is causing a big problem for himself. (detail removed by moderator) I have really had enough of people thinking they can use women and kids, yours or theirs, as properties. I don’t feel this time round I just want to sit with my grief never seeing for at least the next 5 years a child I love and I cared for, who I took in my home and in my life as mine. This is probably not wise, but I don’t want to accept this. I thought long – if a judge says I have no rights, the kids are better off apart, OK; I will accept it. But I won’t accept the vagaries of an imbecille.
With regard to the time, I can’t do the waiting any more. Since my child was born it has been a succession of either loneliness or really bad relationships! His father left that I was pregnant – and so, my step kids gone again, birth alone, after birth alone, first crawl, first tooth, all alone with my friends. All the Christmases etc. When I finally met someone I fell in love with, that didn’t work out either. He hit my son and then hit me and I left, but it was a devastating experience (not much for the hitting but for his ups and downs and my inability to stand up for me and my son). Then I met this other one, and it was the worst of them all, by far. The relationship left me totally, totally devastated. I have kept saying to myself that it will go better and it is many years now and it is not going any better. I am so tired!
On a positive note, I did my clothes shopping! I saw a good friend for a cup of tea, bumped into my lovely neighbours in my evening dog’s stroll, and now I am ready for a good night of sleep…

[LozzyX]

Puzzledatlife that’s great that you met with a friend and also enjoyed interaction with neighbours on your dog walk … It’s those little things that help so much for our wellbeing.

I am almost free but it’s broken me into pieces… I am.scared of the loneliness .. but then it dawned on me… I am terrible lonely if not more so, whilst being in this relationship .. as I can’t tell friends and family what’s really happening.. I have only confided in my best friend which has helped massively however sadly I try not to see too often as much as I love her to bits but she is an alcoholic so often when I meet her I end up getting too carried away myself and it then impacts on anxiety… so these days I keep our contact limited to about once a month for my sanity and I do get a lot out of seeing her just like I say, has to be a limit to the frequency of our catch ups.. all my.other friends are married with kids so see them 2-3 times a year tops..and I feel lonely when I’m around them as I never had children and just feel so out of the group now …

so I am scared about feeling alone… But remind myself of how lonely I am now, its only very rarely me and my husband actually have any wholesome social interaction …

I guess the key to being genuineley happy is to be happy with ourselves first , learn to love ourselves and become more assertive and intuitive when it comes for forming new friendships and then one day maybe new relationships

Do let us know how you get on over the coming weeks if you can at all including the women’s aid moving on programme (might see if there’s one near me), I am sure it’s a rollercoaster but you have strength to get through it

Wishing you all the very best,

LozzyX

[puzzledatlife]

Hello all
Just wanted to let you know I have started to go to the women’s aid meeting.
Actually I am amazed at the group structure. Most of the women there are like children! No wonder why they ended up with nasty men. They did look really like small girls with no sense of things like paying rent how to use money or how to organise the basic things. Most are out of work…one was saying that the ex was taking the family money but only because he has a gambling addiction…no question around what it is to have an addiction how addictions work. Some were blaming immigrants for their situation because they get the benefits and they have to struggle. But no sense of how to ensure ur own independence as a woman! I took offense really because I am an immigrant and never claimed benefits. Work two jobs and always worked two jobs. One full time and one in the evening. My idea is that if I ever go on benefit my son will have to worry about me one day. No matter what I will work and put towards a pension. Worked on all sorts…cleaning markets and studied and eventually now i work as a (detail removed by moderator). I know many immigrants like me who wouldn’t think of asking benefits because they want to work. Looked after the penny really but never ever ever on a debt! Never. So I felt partly offended at the culture of blame. Partly sorry at seeing that there are so many of us disempowered…not educated but not in the sense of schooling…not aware rather. Debt was just normal for many of them not realising that independence is possible and is good and is good for our kids too! It was like nobody ever bothered to raise these women, as in really raising them in awareness and in their potential. It was as if all of them saw themselves as destined to struggle, to take for granted that this is what life is and has to be. No wonder we end up with people who use us and make us feel s** or treat us badly if we think we are so powerless so dependent on anything that happens around us.
It’s 8 week course we’ll see how it goes as i feel a bit of a fish out of water…
X

[Iwantmeback]

Hi ppuzzledatlife, well done in going to group meeting, and yes I totally hear what you’re saying. Without knowing, things don’t have to be this way, without the education that immigrants steal our jobs, our benefits. I find that belief abhorrent, I know many immigrants who work, but I blame our governments, our media for posting this lie and without knowledge and education it keeps getting repeated. Those in power know it divides society, they are as much abusive as our partners are. I can’t say anymore as it will become a political rant, but I just want you to know that I hear you, I know immigrants pay Into our society, I know without immigrants our society would fail,
I don’t know what I’m angrier about tbh, ukgov or abusive partners😡
💕💕

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