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    • #41094

      Hi everyone,

      I’m trying to get on with things but struggle each day with obsessive thoughts, memories and flashbacks about my ex abuser. For example remembering weird creepy things he said that now make sense, remembering strange looks he gave me which at the time I didn’t understand, remembering evidence of cheating that at the time I dismissed as I trusted him, realising the sheer breadth and depth of his pathological lies, wondering if this or that was a lie, wondering why he did all this ie. was it just to hurt me because he thought I was weak or was he actually attracted to me (probably wondering this because my self esteem is currently rock bottom), and the worst thing is I still feel like he is laughing at me and can see his horrible laughing face in my mind’s eye.

      Is this a symptom of PTSD? Is it my brain slowly piecing together what happened and trying to process the trauma? I want to get him out of my head and focus on myself for a change so I can move forward but finding it very difficult. I have applied for counselling and waiting to hear back from them so I don’t have an outlet like counselling or therapy yet to deal with this stuff.

      If you have any suggestions in how to ease the distressing thoughts and memories to give me a bit of peace then that would be great. At the moment I am journaling every day which does help, I’ve tried meditating too which was calming but nothing seems to fully ‘get rid’ of these thoughts, memories and flashbacks. Do I just need to accept them for now? I hate that he is still taking up so much of my precious time, he took up waaaaaaay too much of my time when I was with him and I’ve had enough of him being in my head.

    • #41106

      Hi HUn

      I think this is part of the healing process, i had blocked out so much, when i left ex, slowly flashbacks came back to me, some of the flashbacks happend 6-12 months later, i think our brain lets us process when they feel we are ready. I wouldnt try to stop the flashbacks as upsetting as they are as they are makign us aware of what we went through and so we knoe how to recognise the dangers in future. I took up regualr long walks to clear the mind daily, maybe that will help you and def do counselling

    • #41132

      Hi yes what you are feeling is definitely ptsd, it’s vile & almost like you are being haunted by the ghost from YouTube past. I have ptsd & before I left I was quite convinced soon as I was away I’d be free NO SO WRONG I’ve actually felt worse a lot worse. Re living his every word his every behavior, asking myself a million times was it me, am I like he said, desperately trying to seek answers. I know I’ve tried everything to feel me again. I’ve woken up to years of him convincing me I was the biggest reject ever born,so worthless. I think one of the best ways to start to heal is to not listen to anyone who puts us down, it’s really really difficult to do & it hurts immensely to have to turn your back on people & walk away, but to recover from ptsd we have to, we have to ignore everyone who doesn’t get what they did & love ourselves again (that’s almost impossible) I am feeling a tiny bit stronger now &. My best advice from what I’ve experienced since leaving is steer clear of anyone who tells you it’s not OK to re live the traumas you’ve been through, we have to do that to heal, checking re checking ourselves over & over. Walking is good, feeling the ground beneath your feet with every step you take, daring to smile at a stranger walking by, when they smile back, I think Blimey they smiled at me! Each day I try so hard & I’m sure you do to, to forget him! I do anything I can to keep him & the traumas from my mind. Company is good to give relief for short or long times too x

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