how do you deal with?

[littlebluebowl]

i’m nearly at the 12 month mark, and there is definitely no going back for me! but there is still one thing that bothers me and i was wondering how others deal with it (surely I can’t be the only one)
Its hard to make others understnad this so i hope i can find someone here that gets it,
so firstly;
i’m not going to deny my life is so much better without him having such an impact…. but he is not fully out of it he never will ( we have a child) but he also has some sort of control still (emotionally and physically) which of course stresses me out.
but anyway my question is how do you deal with that thought of ” maybe i should have just “behaved” myself?”? unless itsjust me with that thought and i need to give mt head a wobble!!

[Darcy]

Good morning beautiful Angel… littlebluebowl (I like your user name, that’s cute!)
12 months free that’s a big deal, well done for getting out.
There are always going to be thoughts, feeling and questions that come up and this is Ok and completely natural. They do come over time as you cant process everything at once, your brain wont allow it. So now and again they will pop up.
On the question of behaving yourself, well that could have been an option for you, for me and for all of us. However, I ask you the question back that if you were behaving yourself would you still have been your true self?
I am guessing the answer for all of us is no, and we cant live our lives not being our real selves. So behaving ourselves would have had no longevity and at some point you would have left and needed to break free.
I think this is the realisation we all have when we leave. That we just don’t want to be treated a certain way. No human being is designed to be controlled, it just takes some longer than others to get to this conclusion, but we all do eventually.
Now you are out of the relationship, write a list of the things you do on a daily basis and then compare that to how you use to live your life with him. Now see if behaving yourself would be something that you would like to go back to doing? Be grateful for your freedom and being able to be you.
Also on the point of understanding, sometimes we will never truly understand. At best we can only understand ourselves and our own actions, and understanding this is the best investment you can make.
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

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